Depression Understood Forums

I have been seriously down and out, I work hard as a RN all week long, but have had a lot of trouble finding love. I am 32, attractive and have been one eating sites and tried many other avenues. Recently went on date and thought it was amazing and now the guy seems to have a change of mind. I can't help but to blame myself when I see all mo coworkers married at my age. I had a rough childhood and see a therapist, I have a lot of issues with anxiety and depression. I am down in the dumps more than happy. I feel very alone in life as all my friends are in relationships and I am not super close with family. I just worry I will be alone forever as my looks start to fade. I just feel like nobody cares in this world. Everyone has their own things to worry about.

My mom died about two weeks ago, not sure if thats triggering issues, we had terrible relationship, she was a heroin addict my whole life, hard for people to understand what thats like. I still have regrets though. Everyone was there for me when it happened but now i am left alone again.
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Liz

This site is meant for you.

We are all trying.

I found my wife using the scientific method:

I made lists of what one thing didn't work with my relationships and then tried to avoid those things for future relationships. I think many of my friends who have married and divorced did so because their relationship was based on co-dependence. When they grew out of whatever need allowed their spouses to depend on them, they for some reason thought they were unlucky, instead of trying to grow together with their spouse.

The scientific method says that you list the things you find attractive, and try to date people with those things. If the relationship flowers, you are done. If it doesn't you need to try to determine why the other person was not willing to accept you, and avoid that trait.

When you write:

Recently went on date and thought it was amazing and now the guy seems to have a change of mind. I can't help but to blame myself

It seems like you disclosed something that the other person couldn't live with. The way to deal with that thing is not hide it, it is to find a person who can accept it, or work with your therapist so that thing is not an issue.

If there is something you want to talk with your therapist about it might be timing. Ironically, since I was using the scientific method when looking for my wife, I was very open, and she was very private. Three years into our marriage this became an issue, because she needed to learn to disclose and talk, and I had to learn to keep quiet and listen. Ultimately, we discovered a way to approach risk that works for us. We use my instincts in the short term, and her instincts in the long run.

Please write again, we are learning from each other.