Depression Understood Forums

I have battled with addiction my whole life without even realizing it . I never seen my problem till it was hurting the woman I love . by then it was already to late ,but she loved me and for the next year I isolated myself and was somewhere between climbing and crying for a long time . I did fall but I got back up. Now a year later I'm proud of where I am I notice more and more how unclear everything was. I recently found out she has started seeing someone else . she said she would be there if I tried. My children are the most important thing in my world but she is next. She a a wonderful mother and woman.I hurt her and know this .I try daily to prove to her my love even though she is with him. My drug abuse started by covering up my depression. Now with me overcoming my addiction to The point I don'twant for it at all my ddepression is back and with the issues at hand and those are just the worst few of a horrible many, its compounded. I'm so lonely. When it all ended she took the baby's to her moms and I went to mine . I turned away everyone .had no friends or relationships and focused on my family .she said there was hope. Now I have nothing but a soul full of pain and regret . fear and anxiety rush over me till Ibreak . i still have so far to go but now with no hope of a family and no one to be there I just want someone to hear me. I want someone to tell me its worth the fight

You end your post with the words:

" i still have so far to go but now with no hope of a family and no one to be there I just want someone to hear me. I want someone to tell me its worth the fight"

Everyone on here would tell you that it is worth the fight ... because we are all engaged in the same fight you are in.

The thing that bothered me about your post is the phrase "no hope of a family and no one to be there". People who know my family know that we can be vindictive S.O.B.s. From the sounds of your note, if you had been involved in my life, I would do my best to manipulate you to continue to be addicted. I would buy you drugs for the pleasure of watching you suffer when you needed more.

I am not writing this to make you feel bad. I am writing this to tell you, that if you were in my world I am not obligated to listen to you repent and then forgive. Forgiveness is something I choose to give, and WHEN I forgive ... if I forgive ... is MY choice.

You have the right to a family, and to have someone to listen to you, but these may not the people who have been hurt by you in the past. You need to meet your legal obligations for these people, and rely on your future behavior to establish a context for them to choose to forgive. It is a big world, you can start over.

I am sorry that I can't be sympathetic. I hope you can use my cold advice to find the courage to continue to fight. The fight must come from within you ... it is not something that we can provide.

Its worth the fight Have in mind that we have only one life and no matter what kind of hardship we encounter, this is our only chance of having this existential experience. Make it count!