Im having trouble coping.

[depressed mom]

I've been so depressed lately that I have started having suicidal thoughts. I hate feeling like this. I don't want to die. I've been dealing with so much stress and anxiety that my depression has gotten worse. The past few years have taken a roll on me. In August of 2014 I lost my home to a fire. Someone had broken into the empty unit next to mine and started a fire. My children and I lost everything. I am grateful that we all made it out unharmed. Since then I have been living with my younger sister. I share her attic room with my oldest daughter and my son. We have been stuck here for nearly a year and a half. My sister's husband is a very negative person. He has a very bad anger management problem. He is vulgar and verbally abusive. My sister just doesn't see it I guess. When we first moved here, they would drink and fight a lot. He went to jail for a few months. When he got out they started drinking and fighting again. My sister then started accusing my daughter of sleeping with her husband. The police have been called numerous times. They stopped drinking for a while, but recently started again. I'm on edge every day. So much has gone on that I am feeling stressed and anxious from the time I wake up until I finally cry myself to sleep. The stress and anxiety make me even more depressed. I don't want my children around this. I just want things to be alright again. I'm hoping that just writing this down will help. I try to act like I'm okay around everyone. I'm really falling apart.

[Gingerbreadman]

Hi Mom

Let me first let you know how I sympathize with your situation. Two common depressive triggers I can see here. Feeling trapped and feeling a loss of control. Also for years I too have put on the "mask" as you are pretending everything is ok,.....and it's my belief that every time you do this you PULL from your stored energy banks, bringing them a touch lower each time.

I am not judging, judging is a waste of human energy - but in my own unprofessional opinion I think the quickest way to easing the pain and bringing you closer to a brighter place is to do whatever you feel you are able to do to remove yourself and your kids from that environment. Yeah obviously huh? And I'm sure that's easier said than done. Right. Are there any supportive agencies you can reach out to for support or guidance?

I pray that some form of miracle comes your way in any form(s) however big however small that may give you a clue, some advice, a helping hand etc. that may help get you moving to being able to regain your control over your situation which in turn will naturally begin to re-fill your energy banks. It's difficult to do alone when we are vibrating at a low energy however during our lifetimes here on earth one thing we do have is free will and the ability to choose.

God bless and I send you all positive energy peace and joy as you deal with your situation

[depressed mom]

Thank you Gingerbreadman. I have been trying to find a new place. Its been so difficult because I have such a low income and rents are really high. I have put in applications for income restricted housing. Some of these places have a really long waiting list. I am hopeful that I will be contacted by one of them soon. I'm trying to stay positive and not let the negative energies in this house get to me. Some days are better than others with that. I am grateful for the positive energy you're sending my way. God bless.

[sorry2all4all]

If there is anything Ihave learned it is that children should feel love from ssomeone at all times. And nothing makes a depressed mother happier than seeing her children smile in times of hardship. If I had a sujestion while you are waiting on placement. think of something from time to time before bed to lift your spirits as a family. SSomething goofy. Make a paper dart board and a spit was shooter or somthing. You make your children smile as much as possible and i think you might find a little strength in that when you need it. Thank you for being a mother that cares what her children see

[depressed mom]

Thank you sorry2all4all. I do try to do something every night. We watch movies and play games on my phone. My youngest is seven. I try to shield him from all of the negative things going on around us. I explain the things that I can't shield him from. I try to be the best mom I possibly can. When I get to the point that I have been at lately, I remember that my kids need me. If I can find no other reason to keep trying, I have them. Thank you and God bless.

[sorry2all4all]

You are very welcome I will proudly stand behind a mother that is trying. You are why children grow to be loving adults. Always rember you are worth somthing . I am so very sorry you are at the point you are in your life but it does not reflect you wealth. A mother that fights for her children and shows them love in her own hour of darkness is priceless. God bless you as well and Ipray you have a peaceful night

[NickStokes]

Have you tried seeking professional help? It may give you a fresh perspective.