Does anybody else in here feel the way I do?

[chronic]

I was always a happy child, not a perfect person, but I am who I am and I came to accept that. My life wasn't great, but nothing to complain about compared to what others go through on this Earth. At 17 years of age I became obsessed with finding truth, reason, happiness, hope; generally a purpose. I began looking to spiritualities like buddhism and jainism to find these answers. I began learning about (and always had an interest in) physics, chemistry, philosophy, psychology. I wanted to know how everything worked to give myself a better understanding of life. Throughout these studies I learned that perspective is very important. Everyone perceives things differently, so there is never one answer. (As it is stated in jainist philosophy - absolute truth is not real - everything exists in different ways through different viewpoints.)
Anyway, at one time not so long ago I was happy, happy to say that I found what I was looking for within myself, as well as with other people in my life. Soon after I dropped all of my interest studying physics/chemistry/philosophy/psychology/spirituality because it all seemed so unimportant after a while. All it gave me was more questions and no answers. I wanted to know the meaning of life and it seemed to me that there was none. All of these explanations are a product of the human mind, multiple minds with multiple viewpoints. Amongst all of this, somewhere at sometime, I ask myself "What actually *feels* real to me?". The answer was so simple that it surprised me: To Love And To Be Loved. And this site confirmed that to me. According to the statistics here, why do most people kill themselves? A lack of love. So reverse that and what is most important in life? (And what ever happened to Harry Harlow's monkeys?)
So I turn to charity work, vigilante justice, speaking out, helping others speak out, defending people, helping others learn how to love so they can find meaning like I did. All to show people that there is truth, reason, happiness, hope, purpose. So we can all share and spread love, so we can all love and be loved, and then we could have a world freed from evil. And after such a hopeful story, this is where my depression begins. I try sharing love, helping people, showing others what helped me so much in my life, with some success. But not completely. It was at this time that I realize how ungrateful some people are. How some people can learn to love, but do not understand how to be loved, and vice-versa. How not everyone will see things the way I do no matter how many ways I approach and explain. How so many people in this world are so narrow minded. How so many people in this world are crooked, greedy, selfish. How there is so much evil in this world, that it literally makes me sick. How I do not want to experience and be part of it anymore. Because maybe I have found hope in myself, but I can't find any in this world.
It seems I just can't escape it. Even on a daily basis. I wake up. I read the news. Someone says "Good morning" and all I can think is "Well thats really egocentric, have you heard any news recently? Its certainly not such a good morning on this Earth, it never is nor will it ever be". By the end of the day someone has to ask me "How was your day?" to which all I can think is "Okay, but what about every other person here with us?". So it seems to me like it will never get better, and therefore that is how it ends. I guess my main reason for writing this is to see if there's even one more person out there who feels the same way. But after so much research I have found no one who thinks like this. I'd also like to know if anyone could help me find a way around this. When I tell friends about this the only responses I have gotten are basically: "When you put it that way, I might as well just go kill myself too". And that definitely doesn't help. You must understand, I would do anything to change these thoughts (except take drugs of any kind). Would you believe me If I told you I'm only 19 years old?

[sarahong]

I understand you. But the reality is what you have discovered for yourself and you have to learn to derive joy from the small things that you do for others.

[JustaBlegh]

Wow I ...I actually have very similar thoughts and I'm way younger than you he he ^^ I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this way .

[NickStokes]

Dont be like that. There is entire life of new experiences in front of you. Make it count and try to remain positive. It can only get better with time.