Depression Understood Forums

Hello all. I am posting to get some advice on how to get through this long depression that I am having. Although I have had many things occur recently that would be stressful, most of it stems from a 3 year relationship that ended 2 months ago. 3 years ago, I was a generally a very upbeat person that could get feelings of accomplishment, pride, and happiness from almost anything. I had this toxic relationship (She was disrespectful and mean to me most of the time and had many traumatic experiences of her own) with a person who had many problems. Throughout this relationship, I began to develop many problems of my own. There is no history of depression in my family and I was not even depressed (for more than a month at least) when my father passed away. I have been depressed for 2 years of this relationship and now after wards it is still going on. We both love each other but it will never work out. She is with someone new (she was with a few guys over the past 3 months) and I have not been with anyone - even a fling.

Because of the relationship, I was left with no job, no savings, weight gain, lower self-esteem, major setbacks in my academic career (Dropping lots of classes and being almost 2 years behind graduating) and major changes in my personality (Depression). I honestly can't remember the person I was 3 years ago nor can I feel like that person. I used to joke around all the time and be really people oriented and I have found myself unable to do that in the past 2 years and presently. I rarely joke around and am serious most of the time with people. If I try and joke around and be happy, I really don't feel happy and it does not come off the same way. I assumed that after the first month that things would really start to get better - I would feel like my normal self. This has not happened yet. While I admit that the sharp feelings of pain over the relationship have went down significantly, I am still left feeling empty and worthless. I feel like I will never find another person to love me the way that she does/did and I feel like I cannot be the person that I was. I cannot keep my mind off her and wondering how she is doing and wanting her back in my arms. Sounds cliche and lame, I know, but it is truly how I feel despite the fact that the relationship was so extremely toxic. In addition to this, things that used to make me happy no longer do. It seems as if nothing is making me happy. I got a new job for a month and I ended up quitting today because I didn't like it. In the past, I would be able to deal with the shittiest job and still have a positive outlook and gut it out. Now, it seems, that even mediocre jobs I cannot keep a solid footing or be happy in. I am going to a different store from my old job and I am starting to fear that I will be miserable wherever I go. Even thinking ahead to when I graduate (If I can get a degree that is useful), I feel like I will still be miserable and gloomy in my life. Oddly enough, if I recall good memories I feel a slight twinge of happiness but nothing current (within the past year or so) is making me feel that way. I contemplate suicide at certain more times more than others but it is still there.

My question is how do you begin feel happy again. I am in school trying my best (Additionally I have worries that I will not even make it there) and I have this job again now and I fear I will still be unhappy. Should I go on medication? I have been strongly against medication because my father (God rest his soul) used to take many medications for his problems. I hate the idea of taking medications and don't even take things like Tylenol because of this. This statement shows just how hopeless I feel if I am willing to do something that I am normally so rigidly opposed to. I have felt so depressed and inadequate for so long that I do not know what else to do! I have been talking to my friend and even having a second meeting with a counselor at my school and I still don't consistently feel better. I feel as if this will never go away and like I am "damaged goods". Help!I should also add that a few years prior to the start of the relationship I was on a good road. I lost about 80 lbs and became muscular, I was doing well in school (Well OK - 3.4 GPA), I had saved about $12,000 and had all my tuition paid off in full. I was 20 years old when it all started and I am now 23. My GPA is now a 2.4, I gained 40 lbs back, and my savings is now at $100 and I have about $10,000 in student loans because I could not afford my tuition as well as being behind on graduating. Dramatic change within the 3 years. Thought that was relevant.

Hey, you know, i know EXACTLY how you feel, i have been through something so similar, what you can do to make yourself feel better is to tell yourself that she is now with someone else, its gone, stuff it, let it go, and start a new life! I often get angry at myself for still holding on... but i tell myself, its NOT worth it, she is gone, and she loves someone else, she is not the same person whom i used to love anymore, so let it go, sometimes i make myself very angry just to overcome the sadness...

Let me tell you, first of all, remember that time will cure all wounds, it will take a bit of time, but you must make a strong effort to tell yourself to wake up and get on with life, if you keep holding on to that mirage it makes starting a new life difficult, don't keep holding on to her, let her go, she is gone, and in the past, and she no longer loves you anyway, so its not worth it holding on... remember, it WILL get better, you WILL feel better, but the sooner you make the determination to let the past go and start over again, the sooner you will feel better... i have been through this, i know how it is, and it does get better... i hope all goes well for you... all the best... my thoughts and prayers are with you...

I Just wanted to give you a hug and say I know what it is like leaving a long relationship behind you.

Thank you for the support guys - I really appreciate it. I really hope I feel like myself again soon. How long does the process usually take?

how long does getting over someone take?
never hun, at least not for this guy I will never get over him. It has gotten easier over time, but my love for him has not changed.

you asked about how long it takes to get over it, well, it depends on the individual, some people take more time, some less, and it depends a lot on your own personality and how you approach it, but remember, it will get better... but the more frequently you see this person, the harder it is, so at the meanwhile, avoid this person, sometimes a change of environment helps, don't think about this person, go out with other friends, enjoy your life, meet other girls...