Depression Understood Forums

I currently self harm which I have been told is spiralling out of control & each time I do so I get to the brink of death but don't yet fall over the brink

I know I will soon go too far

Anyone self harm like this?

Why do you do that? What do you feel when doing that?

Hi Little Cat

I feel getting to the brink extremely exciting a bit like AEA

Is this a feeling you like?
Do you do that when you are feeling emotional pain?

Maybe try to replicate that feeling into other activities like radical sports?

I dont harm myself so I am just saying but I cant fully understand this feeling. I just hope you get better!

Hi Elaine,

I started to self harm when I was around 16. It had 2 purposes for me. On one hand I hated myself so much, that thought I deserved pain and scars. On the other hand, there was so much emotional pain inside of me, that I could not bear it, and cutting help me transform some of that emotional pain into physical pain, that was easier to handle. In fact, when our body is injured, natural pain killers get released from our brain to help us feel better.

The last time I cut myself was 7 years ago, while I was a medical student, I took 60 pills and cut myself everywhere (legs, abdomen, arms) and woke up at a hospital after 2 events of CPR and 3 days in a coma.

I was rescued by a few people that cared despite my best efforts to turn them away. One of those people is now my husband, he was not even my boyfriend at the time, but he didn't give up. I went to therapy for a few months and I got better. Love heals, but I am not talking about my husband's, or my family's love. I work every day on loving myself.

I've practiced medicine for the past 5 years and in many cases, I have been able to help children, teenagers and adults that struggle with self harm, anxiety or depression.

Sometimes I need help too. I think that if I had been successful in my suicide attempt 7 years ago, I would have missed the opportunity to help people that are going through the same pain I've gone through.

Hang in there Elaine, there will be very difficult times, but there will also be moments of joy. When you feel that pain, close your eyes, breathe and know that it will pass, even if it's months or years, it will pass. Give yourself the right to feel joy, little by little.