Depression Understood Forums

As most of my close friends and family know. I'm trying to get pregnant. When I was 15 I was diagnosed with Endometriosis  and PCOS ( Polycystic Ovary Syndrome ). They told me that it was very unlikely that I would ever have children. Well 2 years later I found out I was pregnant with little miss Rayvn. She was my little miracle baby. I'm going to be 26 the 5th of September. I would give anything to be pregnant, give my wonderful daughter a little brother or sister. On top of the Endometriosis and PCOS for some reason I won't ovulate without fertility pills. So for the past 6 months I have been taking Clomid. It does it's job. I ovulate but unfortunately every single month I always get disappointed. If you know anyone who's taking those pills before the side effects of them are terrible you get pregnancy symptoms. So for 6 months now i have went through hell in hopes just to bring another precious soul into this world, having all these symptoms thinking in my head that this month is the month and for 6 months every time I start a little piece of my soul dies. The disappointment I feel every month sucks, I feel like I'm not actually a real woman. I can't even do what women are made for. With Clomid you're only allowed a few months of it. From what I gather prolonged usage of it could cause cervical cancer? I guess. But either way most say only 6 months. Well I begged my doctor for just one more month. So next month if I don't get pregnant then that's it for me. I would have to go to a fertility clinic and see if they can help me. Well I don't know if you know this but that's a crap ton of money at once. About 500 dollars per visit and that's not even counting the test they will have to run or the medicine they would put me on. I don't ever see me being able to ever really afford that and of course they won't offer payment plans. So if I don't get pregnant next month then basically my dreams of ever being a mother for a 2nd time and giving my daughter a sibling just flies right out the window.  I see all these druggies out there popping out kids they don't want or I hear about people out there getting an abortion, And I just don't think these women know just how lucky they are. I would give anything. A leg. A boob. Anything in my power just to be in that situation. Just to be able to create life. I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with anymore disappointment. I feel broken. Shattered. And next month if I don't get pregnant then I'm afraid I'm going to slip into a deep and terrible depression. I'm sorry if me posting this pisses people off. But I just had to get my feelings out there. 

Hi there Janelly89 It's really nice to meet you. Welcome to the message boards. My heart really goes out to you. I can understand your pain I really can. I know what it feels like to want more than anything for a child but can't. And I know the heartbreak of watching the whole world around you have that and not being able to yourself.

I've had a lot of problems too. I don't talk about it much though. I guess it is really hard for me to and extremely awkward for me to open up. I don't like when people start asking me questions too. But I think it's wonderful that you can talk about your situation and I am so glad that you found these message boards. It's a great place full of good people.

If there was anything in the world I could do to help you I sure would. Please always know that. It's such a hard unfair situation that I don't really know what else to say.

I'm glad you are able to at least have a daughter. Rayvn is such a beautiful name too. Life can be so unfair sometimes but sometimes life can turn around and surprise us when we least expect it to and I'm wishing with all my heart tonight you get your wish and your little girl gets that brother and sister. my fingers are definitely crossed for you.

Anytime you want and need to you can vent your feelings out here. No one will ever get pissed off at you. That's what message boards like this are for. I hope you keep coming back here. And please keep us updated okay ???

love and hugs to you always

Jannelly, I understand what you are going through, that desperate need for a baby. It only took me 3 months to get pregnant & they were some of the worst times. I was lucky & have always thought how awful it would be to not get pregnant. I only suffered a small percent of what you are going through and cannot imagine how you must feel month after month.
My thoughts are with you.