Not feeling too well...:(

[Johny765]

Hi

I feel the need to anonymously tell someone about my problems...

I'm 21 and I study medicine. I'd like to become a psychiatrist. That's my main life goal. However, the path to that goal seems to become more and more difficult...

I've had OCD and anxiety for a couple of years...and they've recently gotten worse. For example, I always need to check if the water taps are closed...I broke one a few months ago because I pressed it too hard. I often feel guilty, for the things I should do but I don't because I'm too lazy (studying!), for the things I shouldn't have done...

I'm kinda shy, too...I don't really have friends. Buddies at most. I was bullied when I was younger. I mostly talk and spend time with my family. It's not like I'm not trying to get to know people better...I think I'm just boring and socially unattractive and that's why I don't have friends. Never had a girlfriend either, which bothers me even more. There's been quite a few girls I really liked but they were never interested in me. And rejection always felt really bad. There was this one girl who liked me but she was completely not my type...character-wise. It wouldn't work out. I think I've kinda given up on girls now.

I don't feel well physically. Very little energy. I had hypothyroidism when I was younger but my thyroid is fine these days, so that can't be the case. I get sciatica once in a while (at the age of 21!). I can't focus on anything for too long. I tried changing my diet, sleep habits, taking vitamins/minerals etc. but my brain isn't in top condition no matter what. Bad short-term memory really makes studying a frustrating task.

I also smoke. Yup, I know, medical student...doesn't go well together. I remember the exact date I smoked my first cigarette...February the 1st, 2013. I'm seriously considering giving it up this summer, but I'm a rather weak-minded person and I don't know if I'll be able to...

All of this together is basically giving me depression. If anyone could give me a little support I'd be thankful.

[Mitali Chaudhari]

Hello. First of all you are not a weak minded person, no one is. No one can posses a weak mind but the feeling that you are weak minded itself makes you weak when you are actually not. Did you start with any study about psychology? If not try doing that, read some books related to it. That should help a bit in changing you attitude towards life. You are not boring and socially unattractive but you have developed that feeling because you were bullied when you were young. Did you know that you are already better than millions of people? Because you know what is your ultimate goal(being a psychiatrist). Many of them have a hard time figuring out what is it that they want to do in life. It's ok to not have a girlfriend till now. Because when you will have one, she is going to be really very lucky as you will love her with your whole heart. You have lost the confidence in yourself and you need to rebuild it. What is it that you are really good at, think about it and start doing that. Or you could take up a hobby if there is any. Do things that would boost up your confidence and within no time you will start enjoying life. And also even if you are too lazy to study, you have to do it. Set up short terms goals when it comes to studying and then eventually increase the time for which you study, make a timetable and put it up on some place where by you'll be reminded daily that you have to complete that much amount of work on that day. And as for somking first reduce it and then quit it, if it is really that hard for you. There will be a day when you will yourself feel that you don't want to smoke any more, that will be the day when you'll realize your purpose in life and be determined to achieve you goal. Always remember habits can be changed only if you really want to. Hope this helps.

Good luck, Cheers.

[Johny765]

Thank you for the advice and support