Depression Understood Forums

My therapist told me that not sharing what I'm dealing with makes me worse, because I'm pretty much living too much inside my own head or something like that. So this is me sharing my thoughts! I've never had good self confidence or self esteem. This past year was my freshman year in college, and I got a lot worse. I started self harming a couple of months ago, because I was just filled with self hatred and anxiety. I just always have this feeling that everybody hates me, probably because I hate myself. On top of that, my parents have been having marriage problems the past few years. It's been rough. I'm not okay, and it's hard for me to admit that. I always feel like I have to be the one that is always okay, even though that's a lot of pressure to put on myself and it isn't fair. Finally, I recently admitted that I had a problem, and I started going to therapy! I'm trying to stop self harming, and it hasn't been easy, but I'm getting there. It's been almost a week since I last self harmed, which is a lot for me. I'm not okay yet, and I'm still struggling, but I'm making progress. But one thing I've learned from my experiences, is that it's okay to admit that you're not okay. You're allowed to be struggling, and you don't have to be ashamed. There's no shame in asking for help

I know exactly how you're feeling hunn, unfortunately for me I'm still too ashamed to admit when I need help or to tell anyone my problems, I don't like talking about anything having to do with my feelings period to be honest, I guess I can thank my parents for that because they raised me to be "tough" so to speak, meaning you keep your problems to yourself and deal with them on your own and if you did otherwise you're weak. Which is total bullshit but it's hard to undone what you grew up with overnight if you get what I'm saying. But I give you huge props for admitting that you're not okay! 😊 Now all you need to do is take that and really get help, first talk to your parents and see what they think you should do, talk to your friends, anyone you trust then go from there, don't strictly do what they say but at least get some ideas. I hope you feel better soon!💕

Also you have no idea how lucky you are to have a therapist! I used to have one when I was younger but my parents thought it was a waste so they ended up canceling my appointments and to be honest I didn't take my therapist very serious and unfortunately now I don't have any way of getting another one. So take advantage of it! I cannot stress that enough, you're already a step ahead most people so try your hardest to get help, listen to everything they say because they're right. Good luck! ☺️