My story. Any advice appreciated.

[fjrc]

I was relatively normal as a kid (although looking back on it, I was a bit of a know-it-all). I was smart, or at least I was told that I was smart by teachers/standardized tests. I was really into baseball too, used to get up every morning before school to go practice with my dad. My dream was to become a doctor like him (since even at that age, I knew that playing the majors was impossible). The only bad thing I can really remember around this time was my mom falsely accusing me of assault when I was about 13, but I got over that pretty quickly (she has BPD, so she couldn't really help it).

But some time around 8th grade, I sort of lost interest in everything. I failed a class for the first time and quit baseball. Working hard in school didn't appeal to me anymore. I gave up on the idea of becoming a doctor. This continued through high school, where I spent all of freshman year trying to do as little as possible, although my dad forced me into playing lacrosse (which became my only real extracurricular activity). I realized early on that my dad wouldn't be angry as long as I did reasonably well, so I worked hard and somehow ended up as team captain.

In high school, my friends and I weren't that close. We mostly spent time insulting one another in the meanest ways possible: Kid A would make rapey comments about my sister, I'd embarrass him when he was talking to a girl he liked. Kid B was generally an abusive dick to everyone, but it was ok because we laughed at Kid B when he was on suicide watch for a while. That seems pretty messed up when I look back on it. There was one girl I hung out with a lot in senior year. She was the same girl that Kid A originally liked, oddly enough. We weren't exactly friends, but we spent a lot of time together in classes and we went out to lunch together pretty much every school day. Sometimes she would hang out with my group. Not really sure what that was about. Maybe she didn't have any real friends in school either. I might have had a crush on her.

Anyway, by some miracle, I managed to pass my classes in high school with mediocre grades. And thanks to a lucky break on the SATs, I got a scholarship to a decent school. I didn't really have any plans for the future, so I wasn't sure what major to choose. My dad suggested international relations, so I went with that. As soon as I got to college, I shut down entirely. I shut myself in my dorm room, only going outside for class, groceries, haircuts, and work (although I quit my job back in October). This is my second year, I'm 19 years old and I don't really see any end in sight. A few weeks ago, I decided that I might be depressed. I don't know if I was already, or if I became that way because of the loneliness. Well, anyway, that was my story. I'm not sure what went wrong here, or how I should escape it. I've been isolated for what feels like forever, it's not like I can just walk outside and just start talking to people.

[MikeD82]

There is nothing worse, then going through hell of depression. You wake up each day, not knowing if you will make it
'till night, or you will simply give in, and end it all yourself. The drugs sometimes help, and sometimes make it worse.
Felt like I had no control whatsoever over my own life. It took me a while, but I managed to teach myself how to push trough the day, and keep on fighting.
In the end, it all comes down to helping yourself get up and fight, because without that no one can truly help you, no matter how much they would want to.
To conclude, help yourself, so you could go out into the world, and start truly living, and that will be a cure on it's own.
http://lookingupstuff.com/mentalhealth/ ... epression/