Depression Understood Forums

Well, I guess I will start with Hello! You can call me Estrella. I'm 26 years old and I am currently dealing with anxiety and depression. I am by no means willing to give up, but I am at a point now where I don't know what I an supposed to do. I just feel like I have a dark cloud over my head all of the time. I guess I have my down days and the occasional positive day. I have a great family, an amazing boyfriend, and good friends. I am thankful for all of them, and I know not everyone has that. I guess I would like to just talk to people who are more on my level and know where I'm coming from on a more personal level. Um, my issues are more recent. I've struggled a little off an on through my life but nothing quite like I am now. I was recently diagnosed with epilepsy and depression/anxiety. I am on medication for all of it. But, I had to quit my job because of my medical problems. That is really hard because I feel like I have to rely on everyone right now and have always been an independent person. My issues have put a strain on my relationship. He is doing everything he can to be understanding, but still becomes frustrated. Not with me, but the situation because it is something he knows he can't fix. I've been having a time with pushing people away. I don't mean to, but at the same time find it hard to get out of bed some days. I get invited to do things but fond myself turning them down because I don't have the energy to leave the house. Tonight I talked with a friend who is moving away. She basically told me that we hadn't hung out or talked in so long that we didn't really have much of a friendship anymore. The thing is, I understand where she is coming from and she is right to a point. I didn't get a chance to explain what was going on or the reasons for my recent reserve from our friendship. It really was a hard blow. And it made me realize if I can't change something soon, that I won't have any friends left. I am trying to reconnect but I don't know how.I went from being a very social, outgoing and friendly person to being a home body. Over the past few months I have not really left the house except to go to the doctor. I keep too much in, but then when ibtry to let it all out...I don't express myself on the right level. I feel like others think I am wallowing in self pity but I'm not. I am not trying to be a whiney complainer but I think its the way I come across. I have always been a good problem solver but, now when it comes to my own...I'm lost. I feel like I am falling with nothing to grab onto. Every day is a struggle. Sorry for the length, but this is what has brought me here.

Estrella,

One of the best parts of these forums is that when you feel

Over the past few months I have not really left the house except to go to the doctor. I keep too much in, but then when i try to let it all out...I don't express myself on the right level.

You will know that we care ... and whatever you say is on the level that is right for you. I hope you felt a little better after your post. Tell me what you're doing to try to re-connect with your friends. When you talk about your boyfriend or your family in these posts, then re-read them and then think about how you can tell those things to them in ways that show them how much you appreciate them.

Take care.

Thank you for your words of wisdom. I really appreciate it. So far, I have been trying to get out of the house more. The other day I went for a walk with a friend and then two days later I went for a drive with another friend and her daughter. Both went well and I enjoyed myself. I got to explain to those two why I have been pulling away and how I feel and they were very reassuring. It helped a lot. I have also been trying to listen to meditation music in a low light room and breathing exercises to stay calm as well. Just the music and calmness in the room help me to keep from having anxiety.

hey Estrella,
im sorry if I write or misspell anything, but english is a second language and am not weary good at writing it so i pretty much write in translate.
I may not totally understand your situation, because im only 15 and im not on medication, but i can still see my self in some of your situations.
keep doning stuff whit friends if it helps keep your minde of things and if you have a friend that you feel like you kan take to about this so do it a littel bit at a time so you dont feel like your annoying even if you're not. i you some time feel like your droning in your on thoughts lise to some music, wach a move ocr read a book juste do somthing to calm yourself done, cuse it while be better and you while get through this.