life as I know it

[underandaway22]

In the last year my life has been turned upside down. The physical and emotional abuse got to much. It was like my mind finally had enough I noticed I slowly was becoming ok with suicide like it was justified. I am a Christian nothing justifies sucide. Which brought this overwhelming guilt. It went from everyone would be better off to a plan with a when where and how. That wasn't me. I began cutting again. I can go weeks sometimes and like yesterday it all became too much. I finally allowed myself to cut and I did just as I feared I would I cut too deep. For weeks now the thought of leaving this world has been on my mind. I push it away. My therapist says that's my defensive strategy. I push all my feelings down so I don't have to deal with them. I can't. I'm tired of hurting tired of pain. I just want my life back. I want me back.

[100footpole]

I self-mutilated before I was 22. I made the switch to exercise ... but, that was because the mutilation wasn't really paying off and I was using too many chemicals too ... alcohol, nicotine, and whatever I could trade ...

I remember the bottom ... and the compulsions before that.

Physical and Emotional abuse are unacceptable. Who in your life can you talk to about that? Your post feels "young" to me. Have you talked to your therapist about your feeling that you are being abused. What does your therapist say? If you are teenager ... be aware that you are super sensitive ... which makes you want to push down instead of actively deflecting. It is easier to be passive then active ... but activity leads to a feeling of being in control. Being passive leads to the feeling of being victimized ... Until part of you is fighting with another part of you / .

Tell us what is going on and what you think you can do about it.

[Domenico]

Well this is a bit complicated. I know someone who was so depressed after getting break up with his first love, It drove him so crazy to commit suicide. I contacted with me with a very measurable look and he was too emotional to talk with me; but crying. I consoled him and tried to grow self confidence in him and showed him the long beautiful and pleasant way of his life that he has to go yet.

[100footpole]

NNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnnNNNNNNNNnnnnnnn

D*n this alarm ... what's up with it. Hope I'm not bugging a sensitive guy like you Domenico. I will really try to get it fixed.

[100footpole]

need to