Hopefully this isn't forever.

[MissteppedJune]

Nearly 30 years old and recently became re depressed. I lived a long cold life filled with anger, depression, suicide attempts, and cutting. Finally four or five years ago it all went away. I was content with my life and myself. I knew no matter what happened I was strong enough to get through anything. Suicide was not an option. I was "healed". In that time I had gone through moves, loss of friends, death of family, and breakups that destroyed my heart and credit, but with all that I was still a very happy person.

A few months ago I got into a bad car accident and got a concussion. I couldn't make sentences for days. Didn't know much of anything. Slowly most of myself came back except for my emotions. I just felt off and sad and angry and empty a lot. I tried lexapro for about a month and the suicidal thoughts became so overwhelming and scary that I had to get off of it immediately.

Now I am on nothing and trying to figure out a way to just be normal again. I am angry all the time. I feel empty a lot. Never happy. I can't find it.

I have tried exercising more. I workout 5 days a week. I eat healthy and vegetarian and organic and any foods that say stabilize mood. Nothing works.

I try to talk to people sometimes, but not too often. Nobody around me understands this feeling at all and they definitely don't want to hear about it all the time. I don't know why I am here, but maybe talking to someone here or reading other people's problems will help. I don't know. I live in a constant state of I don't know or I don't care. I want out.

[ThePolisher]

Do you know why it all just went away before? Wouldn't it be great to choose emotions yourself? "Today I'm going to be happy forever..."