Dealing with depression/anxiety

[xBazx24]

Where do i begin?

I have never been very good at social situations. I was very shy through primary & high school. I was quite unpopular too and didn't take much care of my appearance. I was bullied a little because of my last name but was nothing major. Kids are kids and they will do anything to be popular.

When i went to college i did begin to change a little, i made quite a few friends and i wasn't as shy. I also began to make an effort with my appearance.
I also got a part time job at a care home through work experience.

At home things weren't going as well. I was definitely a mums girl. I didn't have a close relationship with my dad. I felt like i couldn't tell him anything. He was very hard to get along with. He had a better relationship with my younger sister, he always seemed to treat her a bit differently. If we got into trouble it was always my fault whether i was purely to blame or not.

Anyway I noticed that my mum wasn't acting herself. She could be very stressed and angry one minute and the next she was laughing, having a joke. This affected my parents relationship and they started drinking a lot. Most of the time together and would go out almost every weekend. This never ended well, they would end up coming home separately due to having an argument. This continued to happen for some time.

After a while my mum started to go out without my dad and my dad would sit at home drinking.The relationship between them just got worse and they would hardly say 2 words to each other.

My mum continued to go out a lot with her friends, she was also became very secretive with her phone. I thought maybe she may be cheating on my dad but didn't want to believe it. My mum did become very depressed. She went to the doctors and she was told she had depression and was given medication. ( She previously had the first case of it when she was 29) This didn't help my mum and she got worse, don't exactly remember why, but she was admitted into the fermoy unit at the hospital where she stayed for a few weeks.

Whilst she was there she admitted to my dad that she had been having an affair on him for about a year. (My suspicions were right)

My dad was obviously distraught and they split up. My mum was discharged from the hospital and went to live with my nan. They did end up getting back together but it didn't last and they had an on and off relationship for a while before splitting up for good.

My mum ended up back in hospital after trying to commit suicide. She remained in there for months and tried to harm herself a few more times.
Of course this was pretty hard on me and my sister. One night my mum actually disappeared. Me and my sister just cried and cried thinking she was dead. She was found in the morning covered in blood. She had cut herself with glass.

Right now my mum is doing much better. She is no longer at the hospital, she lives on her own & has regular counselling.

So basically I've had a family history of mental illness and now I seem to be suffering with it...I knew i had to get help when it was affecting my work..i am going to have counselling.

If anyone is suffering with any mental illness please get help. My mum got as bad as she did because she didn't tell anyone.

Sorry this is long just wanted to get it off my chest until i see a therapist. I also wanted people to know that I've seen what depression can do to you and i think it is very important that you know that you aren't alone and can get help.