Depression Understood Forums

So, i am totally new here and will do a proper introduction soon. However, i just feel like i need some understanding. Yes, i am going to whine...

I had a particularly bad episode last night, locked in the bathroom, crying, fighting the "S"Demon, im sure many know the drill...

I am exhausted. I am at work. I shouldnt be here today. Usually when a person uses the S word, Dr.s are called, 911 or crisis #s are called, involuntary admits can happen. I got through it. I already take meds everyday. Another hospital stay just would have cost another $5,000 that we dont have. Ok, so a day off was out of the question, i get it. Can it just be recognized that i need a tiny bit of TLC today. In the hospital they dont even make you go to group the first day. Just because i am not going to do anything stupid doesnt mean i am ok. I am a freaking surrvivor somehow. Please just TRY to be a little moe careful with me today.
...By the way, i work with my husband, logically i know he is trying. Mentally... Suck it sweetheart.

Thank you for listening.

I made a dumb remark... Thank you for edit.

First off remember that talking about how you feel isn't whining, in any shape or form. Keep in mind that not many people have had a chance to view your post as well, and above all remember that your never alone, both on these forums and as well as in your life. No matter how alone you feel those around do care about you, regardless of what you think. I've had friends take their lives and what always astonishes me is how many people cared so much about them, despite how the person felt. I would definitely encourage you to share more about the situation your in like you mentioned you would in your first post. There's not much any of us can promise, we can't promise to give you a solution for how you feel, we can't make your suicidal thoughts disappear, but we can be here for you if you ever want to ask for advice about something. Just before you do anything, talk to someone you care about.

I really am sorry. I dont mean to be dramatic. I just have not had a 48hrs this bad in a long time. If i had stopped my meds or something i would understand better. Been on them 2yrs sloid now. Sincerely, thank you for posting.

Just wanted the inter-net to know, I took myself to an ER on Wed. 9/17/14 in the afternoon. Our "local" State facility didn't have a bed for me until 3am Fri. 9/19/14. I was released to myself on Thurs. 9/25/14. I feel, let me not offend anyone... I FEEL like... the only goal is for "us" to stick around one more day. I realize healing and true health will not take place if i don't do the work. I FEEL like i have been working, and just can't keep up with damage control.