My life

[Bianca]

Today I drank a sample size of Jack Daniels Whiskey i have had in a drawer for months. I dont drink.First, i heard bad news. I am afraid my friend and lover will die by his own demise. The endorphines from my tears released all the emotions i keep locked in. Why do women have to be so strong? and why do they out live the men in their lives?I picked out a shot glass from my collection. Blew off the dust. It was a Louisianna Bourban gold shot glass for the occasion. He asked me why are you always so sad. I cant remember the last time you smiled. I cant answer i dont know why. I have just always been this way. I thought about the life everyone deserves. The Home, the family, the vacations, the moments I fear WE will never experiance together. and what good are those things if they are not with you my love. Happiniess is something i just cannot seem to achieve. I feel all things in this world so strongly. as if the poverty and pain affects me personally, but it does not. The problems of this world are beyond my control. I learned that long ago. I dont know how to be happy anymore. I think i was happy when i was young and ignorant in bliss. I wonder if WE will ever have a chance. I turn to drugs and religion, but i am missing something. I am missing you my love. We were doomed from the start. All great love stories are i suspose. We will suffer great pain and i will write about it. Perhaps i will end up like Sylvia Plath with my head in an oven. Something glorious to be remembered by. Perhaps my words will go on and this story of our lives

[intheprocess]

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Do you have a counselor? I think you should be on an antidepressant. My meds and counseling help me a lot and my life has been termed horrific and ritualistic by my counselor. She is great and I am grateful for what God put in plants so we can have the right medicine. Hang in there.