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this is a story of me and a girl. it was so innocent to start, so painful as my feelings for her grew, so perfect when she felt the same but now i fall asleep crying on a regular basis and its all i can do to keep my mind off her.


im 16, im a boy and whether you believe me or not im in love. i know adults seem to think its ridiculous for a teenager to be in love but thats because they were never cursed and blessed with the feeling when they were younger. I write this because the things that have happened to me have hurt me really bad and i feel a continuous bruning pain inside me that causes me to tear up unless i keep myself from thinking about the situation every minute of the day.



When i was about 12 or 13 i was introduced to a girl named danielle. We hung out together with groups of friends a few times, like at movies and such. We started emailing eachother almost everyday. i was always so excited each night to go down and see what she had said to me and reply back to her. then we finally started seeing eachother more often. i would bike to her house with my friends and play cards or watch a movie. it was so fun and i started to have a rly strong crush on her. i started going to her house by myself becaus ei wanted to spend more time with her one on one. we had a lot of fun together just being together. i still remember the first day she laid her head on my shoulder and how amazing it felt to have her do something like that to me. She had a boyfriend that i didnt realize who lived a while away. it made me really sad to find out but it didnt throw me. we went to movies with friends all the time and held hands under the arm rests. we kissed once at her house and at a movie. She started having feelings for me and it felt so good.



time went on and we stopped because it didnt feel right for her. we were really close friends and promised we would tell everything to eachother and never lie about anything. I told her that anything she ever needed to talk about she could with me no matter how it would make me feel. her and her bf started getting rly close and she told me that they had had sex and by the time i found out it had been about the fourth time. the night she told me that my head was spinning and i couldnt breath well. i told her i was fine and it was ok to tell me. it hurt me so much when ever i thought about it for months and i had to focus on things and think about them or sing to myself just to keep the thought out of my head.



again time went on. months passed and we still talked to eachother a lot but many nights just saying goodnight and then she would go to talk to him. eventually he started being really mean to her and i kept having to talk to her and build her selfconfidence be cause he hurt it so much. i tried really hard to be the best friend i could with her to help her. it made me so angry thatshe loved him after how he treated her. he even had sex with another girl while they were together which made her feel horrible. she knew how much i loved her even before she was with him and it made her sad sometimes too to know that i wanted her so badly. she was all i ever thought about, the reason i loved everything about life and the reason every day passed so easily because i could always look forward to the next time i would see her again. finally last december on the 28 we were on the phone. she was also talking to her boyfriend who had been recently broken up with. she told me she wanted to be with me and he said if she was with me he would never talk to her. we ended up going out and it was the best time i have ever had in my life.




i would think about really nice things i would do for her on the 1 year anniversary. i thought about the upcoming summer and how horrible the weekends i planned on being away would be because she wouldnt be there. come march 20th (my birthday) she came over and we watched a movie in my basement. i will never ever forget the feelin i had of her laying on my chest and holding her in my arms underneath a blanket. it was the most wonderful night i had ever had because i truely felt loved by her like i always wanted and never did. her birthday was 9 days later and thats when things got bad. she got very angry at me for something i said and after that we didnt do well. about a week later we broke up. i dont know exactly when because its nothing i want to remember. we constantly fought and she threatened a break up many times and i finally told her it was clear she didnt want me so it ended. we stayed friends and promised we would. i cried so hard for a few weeks in a row. i could hardly talk to her because it hurt so bad to think that after how long i wanted to be with her that it ended there for good and she didnt love me anymore. i never understood what happened to us because when ever i asked she would get so angry at me and told me to just move on and forget about it so i stopped asking becaus ei couldnt handle it. after a while it became really clear to me that she didnt love me at all anymore and stopped caring about me like she used to. she would bring things up that she knew hurt me without thinking about it, or just didnt care. i started being kind of irritable with her and easily frustrated with things she did because i felt so hurt by her. we stopped talking on the phone as much because we would just fight about somehting and it really hurt me to have her angry at me. we talked two sundays ago and got in a big fight about how she thought i was talking rudely to her, but i didnt understand what she meant and she got very angry at me and by the end we were deciding whhether or not we wanted to be friends and we both said our friendship meant alot to eachother and we would fix it. i wanted to talk to her that week and called her every night but she was talking to someone else the whole time and each night lied to me about thinking it would keep me from being hurt it but i knew the truth. it made me so angry that she didnt care about us enough to just talk to me and try to fix things with us. she was pushing me away and showing me who she had turned into. she wasnt the dani that i had loved. that dani didnt exist anymore which makes me feel really depressed. its as if my friend died yet im still left with the pain of her with other guys.




for the whole week she didnt talk to me even tho she told me a few times she would. i went away for the weekend and she finally called me that tuesday. it upset me that she waited so long and further showed me how little she cared. she acted like she cared and we talked for a while and she told me that she really like a boy from her camp that wasnt hot but was really nice to her. it made me angry to hear it because thats what i always wanted to be for her is just a really nice guy and to be her boyfriend
i went away again the folowing weekend which was last weekend. i came back sunday and never got a call from her asking how it was. monday came and still she didnt talk to me. i went on my facebook and saw that she and the kid from camp were going out. i felt like throwing up and laid on my couch feeling so numb inside and i felt so tired and depressed. its tuesday and shes made no effort to talk to me. we planned last wek to hang out at her house. this would make the second time ive seen her all summer, the summer i planned on spending every possible day i could with her. she has a boy friend now and im sure that means i wont be seeing her.



ive pictured killing myself more than once and it scares me to have thoughts like that and i know im above it. it just seems the easiest way to make the pain stop tho, i dont think i am in any danger to myself. but i always dream about running away for months or staging a kidnapping just so i can come and have her miss me and love me and hug me again like she used to.



I really want to know what people have to say about it. i need help, i find myself having no intersts in things that i love to do. I constantly feel tired and sleep all day sometimes and never want to be awake because i hate to think about it. i have no one to talk to and help me anymore because she was the person i talked to about everything, but that person isnt there anymore, so i look to anyone who can read this and just talk to me. i need a friend that understands how i feel and wants to help



thank you for reading this, im sorry it was so long

All i can say is, it will hurt like hell but as the days go by you will heal a little bit until you will no longer feel that pain. You may still love her but you will be able to handle life with just talking to her once in a while. I'm in a sorta similar situation. I've dated this one guy for 2 years and we broke up cause of stressful things in our relationship.. We are trying to remain friends but its different becuase you know you love them, you want to be with them but it just cant happen. I loved him with everything i had, i gave my whole heart to this guy and now that we are not going out anymore, you have no idea or may have an idea on how much it just hurts me. The pain is unbearable especially when i see him. He was the guy i ran to with all my problems and now its just so different i dont have him that much to talk to him anymore. I lost a part of myself, and it hurts. Just thinking about it now makes me cry so i'll stop. But the point is, everyday I begin to see the reasons we cant be together and I am healing.. I wont ever stop loving him but I will be ok in time. Thanks for sharing your story. * a real big hug goes out to you*

thank you so much. it really helps to have someone like you just comment on it. i know exactly how you feel. at least what you describe it as seems like words that come straight from my mouth. im sorry about whats happening to you because it really does hurt. its true what you say; its terribly difficult staying friends with them when you want so much more. and like you i really gave my heart to her. i felt such a hole inside me when before we were together and now that shes gone it seems to be even bigger than before.

i hope we can both get past it. thank you again for posting *big hug back to you*

Hi Maximillion,

It doesn't matter how old you are...you can still fall in love. Your feelings are just as important as anyone else's; no matter how old they are.
In fact, I believe it is HARDER to be in love as a teenager because feelings are so INTENSE at that time. Plus, you don't have the life experience to put things in proper perspective.

Losing someone you love is hard. Whether it is through death or break-up.

You are doing the right thing by coming here, in my opinion. It was a very mature thing to do; finding others dealing with depression, to deal with your pain.
Hang in there, Max. We are here for you.

thanks Jude
its nice to have someone tell me it doesnt matter my age, i think its a first to be honest, and it made me feel good that you told me it was a good choice coming here, because i have no idea if ive been making good choices with the whole situation. i got to the point yesterday where i had almost 5 hours sitting at home after finding out about her relationship and i thought i was going to go crazy. so i looked up depression support and such and im thankful to have found this.

Hey,
I know how you feel. Im going through a similar situation too. Im 19 and dealing with this kind of thing for the first time. I latched on to a girl that moved in next door, and began the only relationship Ive ever been in(as a friend or otherwise). I acted normal in the beginning, we hung out and all that, and as time went on and she trusted me she told me that she was gay. I had to immediately stop all the feelings I had for her. We became friends and I started to tell her about my depression.

She was the only person I had confided in like that, and I became attatched to her on that level. I loved her as a friend. When she went away for school she didnt talk to me as much. I still had those feelings but she was distant. A year later I had become obsessed with her. Ive been through a lot of trauma through that time, and have only begun to realize that she isnt the person I thought she was. She didnt want to deal with my problems and I tried to just be a normal friend, but I saw her hanging out with the kids in my neighborhood, drinking and acting stupid, and was devastated that I couldnt do that too. I was never comfortable around people, and had built up a wall between me and everyone else.

It hurt to see those people getting close to her, and hanging out with her like I couldnt. I started getting more obsessed and did some things to myself that I shouldnt have. I hurt myself and even desperately got drunk once just to try to get her to hang out with me. I ended up driving while drunk, and she got really mad at me. I think she started to see how obsessed I was.

My problem was that I was clinging to the person that had helped me feel better a year ago. I was obsessed with the idea of someone that could help me like that, after all I had never had someone like that before, or even felt in love like that. Im going to have to stop contact with her altogether, and hope when she leaves for school again my mind will cease to drift to her.

Wow, sorry about the hijacking I didnt mean to write so much! But it seems like the best thing to do is slowly forget, have the pain decrease with time. Emotional is right. Although we all know that we will never totally forget, right?

Take care.

i know how it feels mate. its the same with her too. i dont think she really wants to deal with my feelings for her anymore. its understandable but that makes it no easier for me.

as far as i can see...no there really isnt such thing as forgetting, but i am planning on cutting her out of my life in hopes that things will get better. if it gets worse, man idk where ill from there.

thanks for the post bookwyrm
same to you, take care, hope things get easier