Sinking Deeper
Posted: Sat Jul 12, 2014 10:12 pm
Truth be told, I have always had a difficult time expressing my emotions and sharing my situation, with those around me. I dread drawing unnecessary drama and attention to myself, and therefore have developed a habit of bottling everything inside. Here goes; I have social anxiety and depression.
During prior months I endured a period of emotional numbness, where I started to drive away and distance myself from friends and family members, eventually achieving isolation. I didn't want to be touched or to communicate with anyone, much less endure their company. I merely wanted to be alone. I felt more hollow, more hopeless, then anything else. The notion of suicide invaded my mind, and I spent countless hours planning my demise, but when it came down to it, I knew I could never perform the deed - I'm too much of a chicken, and I know my family would never forgive me.
Lately, my depression has escalated. The pain returned, and I don't know what to do. I can't sleep anymore - Insomnia - and yet I'm always tired, drained of energy. I can go anywhere from hours to days or weeks where I don't want to eat or drink. Being an adolescent, I tried more than once to communicate with my parents over this pending issue, but they told me it was my imagination and dismissed it. I gave up talking to them after that. I try to keep busy, hoping if I’m distracted it may provide relief. I take walk and do yoga, and altered my diet to include more fresh fruits and vegies, while avoiding processed foods and junk as much as possible. But no matter how much I try, I just seem to keep sinking deeper.
During prior months I endured a period of emotional numbness, where I started to drive away and distance myself from friends and family members, eventually achieving isolation. I didn't want to be touched or to communicate with anyone, much less endure their company. I merely wanted to be alone. I felt more hollow, more hopeless, then anything else. The notion of suicide invaded my mind, and I spent countless hours planning my demise, but when it came down to it, I knew I could never perform the deed - I'm too much of a chicken, and I know my family would never forgive me.
Lately, my depression has escalated. The pain returned, and I don't know what to do. I can't sleep anymore - Insomnia - and yet I'm always tired, drained of energy. I can go anywhere from hours to days or weeks where I don't want to eat or drink. Being an adolescent, I tried more than once to communicate with my parents over this pending issue, but they told me it was my imagination and dismissed it. I gave up talking to them after that. I try to keep busy, hoping if I’m distracted it may provide relief. I take walk and do yoga, and altered my diet to include more fresh fruits and vegies, while avoiding processed foods and junk as much as possible. But no matter how much I try, I just seem to keep sinking deeper.