Depression Understood Forums

Hi every1, I am new here and not quite sure how things work, well here is my story, I started dating the father of my kids when I was 16(2004), h was my 1st and I really loved him, h showed signs of bng a cheater bt I ddnt mynd bcz @ that time w had nt slept together, I asked him what was making him see other gals h said t was bcz w were nt having sex, I dicided to have him break my virginity so h cld stop his ways (@least I thot h would), h then asked for a baby, bcz I was stupid n naive n young, I aggreed, w had our 1st born when I was 17, w were both @ school, after our child was born his cheating agin started, t was gal after gal n when h had those affairs h wanted m jst t vanish into thin air bt whn the affair z ova h wld come back into my life, I allowed him back. So in 2010 incaught him in bed with this gal, I beat the gal up n sh ran, so h promised to end things wth her, yes I cld see change that h was not wth her anymore bt h continued to cheat with 2 more ppl after her bt again I forgave him though h ddnt ask for my forgiveness. In 2011 I got a job, h was not working and I was financially supporting him, h changed and became an angel, I was completely happy in our relationship and there was nothing that led me to believe he was cheating on me. In 2012 he asked to marry me o have our second child, I agrreed t having a child with him bt nt marry him bcz I ddnt trust him, 1c I fell pregnant th gal from 2010 resurfaced bt h lied n said h doesnt knw wht the gal wants from him. W had our child, after 2mnths h gt a job 600km from whr w stay, h moved, 1 day h sent an sms saying h loves m, a few min later the same sms came bt nw with a diff nym, the nym of thegal from 2010, I asked him bwt t h lied again, so this yr I caught him in bed again with a diff gal bt I cld see ts nt da gal dt took his mynd awae from m, I took his phone 4 a week, I found out h had been sleeping wth da gal 4rm 2010 ol ds tym, they neva broke up. So ol in al I have been a fool, I am so hurt and depressed, I dnt even remember when last I ate o slept, I have been crying day in and day out, I am thinking how cld I b so stupid and waste 10yrs of my life, I have nt broken off wth him bt I continue going t his place to c f h is nt wth some1 bt even whn im thr h doesnt giv m dt much attention, I can feel t in my heart h no longer loves m bt h says h stil loves m, I feel t that t is over bt I jst cant break t off with him, I dnt knw whether I am obsessed o what bcz I even go to the extent of phoning the gal n threaten her 2 liv him bt da gal tels m sh wil neva liv him. I am nt sho f what im feeling for him is love o obsession, I am nt efefficiently productive @ work always thinking wh h myt b sleeping with, I am even more scared to liv him n create more space for this gal. I am scared I wil liv him n I wil b jealous when I c him happy in life bt 1 thing I am sho about is da fact dt I am nt happy @ ol, I can not even get myself to d house chores o tyk care of my kids, I want t lock myself inside n cry da whole dae. I dont knw y I jst can not let him gobcz h has caused m more pain than good, h has slept with more than 30 gals while h is with m, h z financially dependent on m, h is emotionally and pphysically abusive towards m, when h z nt cheating w become very happy together, h z a loving man until another gal comes arwnd da corner, nt even a single yr has passed without him cheating on m. I ask myself what type of heart d I have tht doesnt wanna giv up, y dd God create m this wae? Y dd h myk m the type of person I am, I am ugly, stupid, hav anger, nt attractive, ol da bad things r in m. I am only 25 bt I have made ol da bad choices in life, I am damaged goods, f I liv him wh wil eva want m? Wil I eva b happy in lyf, I feel God created m 2 suffer in life. Even though I am hurting so much I hav no one to tok 2, h has isolated m from family and friends, I dnt hav a single friend, I hav tried t liv him in da past bt after a week I wld feel the need t b wth him, ppl see us as this perfect couple wh has bn togethr for 10yrs bt thy dnt knw im suffering, h has my pics every whr in his profileses(facebook, tweeter etc), h acts as thou w happy n perfect. I feel t, t is the end, y cant I let him go. Plz assist m I jst dnt knw wht 2 d anymore.

You need to get the hell out of that relationship! You need to leave his cheating pathetic butt. You need to take control of your own life and the lives of your children. You said that you have been making alot of bad choices, well staying with him won't help you break that habit, it will only drag you down deeper. It has been 10 yrs and 2 kids and he is still cheating on you, he does not love you, I doubt he truly ever did. To be honest, I'm pretty sure he just wanted sex from you. You need to show some self respect and strength and get out of there. I'm not saying it will be easy afterwards, but if you're are truly serious about changing your life then you need to get the courage to leave him. That will be your first show of strength and courage and bravery. Do it for yourself and your kids. Show them that you re not just some mat for him to walk over, give them an example of a strong person, someone they could be proud of.

Also, you are still young. You can still put your life together. You can still find happiness. You just have to endure and persevere

Hello Palesa,
I agree whole heartedly with what sousui94 had to say.
You also should have left this cheating and abusive jerk a loooong time ago!

I can't imagine how low your sense of self value is to have endured such continual mistreatment. Honestly, I'd prefer to say, "Run. Don't walk!"
However, I realize that you're going to follow your heart.
This may be part of the problem. You hold out on the hope that he will wake up- that he will one day change...I've been in some abusive relationships of my own. I've also known people who been through similar circumstances.
Do you know what the end result usually is? It is the woman who finally wakes up- not the man. She one day sees the light, for she's reached the end of her rope. It finally dawns on her that she's worth something. She realizes that the "love" she feels toward the man who treats her like crap is actually "love" for who she dreams he'll become. (not for the selfish, abusive, lying, cheating boy that he truly is)

I'm sorry if anything I've said has caused you any pain. You need and deserve the truth though.
You already know that you've been on a roller coaster of decade-long turmoil. It is up to you whether or not you continue to ride on in misery...taking your kids with you on this ugly nightmare of a journey, or to choose what is right for you and your children.

Good luck to you, Palesa.
Feel free to pm me.