So Low Right Now :(
Posted: Fri May 16, 2014 10:04 am
I was dumped from a 5 year relationship, after shattering my wrist and while coming out of a cast. I spent a week apart and then tried to start piecing my life back together. For 2.5 months i actually believed i was doing well, and making prgress in myself, but during it i met a gilr who i had met one night 2 years before. She has aspergers, is cute as, and is amazing in how she thinks, and how she defined her character. Honest, direct, and down to earth. The month of texts showed me that : ) and our 5 dates were to me amazing.
But on the 5th i had 2 weeks alone in a house. All my meetings and friends to see (out of the 3 i physically have) were cancelled, and i was left, and really i fell apart inside but wouldn't admit it to myself, and kept texting this girl, every second, i couldn't sleep and my brain was on overload, as the less i sleep, the more it thinks, and usually not in a great way. Her texts became withdran and distant, not herself, i desperately text to make them go back to how it was. She did still met me for a date, and i thought it was a great day out, now i look back i realise how low i was, and wondered how much it came across.
The next day she text me in the morning, but since that morning she was really distant, so i text less and kept it cool, i thought if i have come on to strong, all i can do is show i can back down. I actually completely dell apart from thursday to sunday when my bosc died. I text her a bit insanely saying i was unure if she really wanted to meet again, then one saying i had had to much time and that the life i was picking up had been on hold and made me a bit low. then text that my bosc had passed. She sent a sympathetic text, then went back to few word answers with little to bounce off. From monday she just flat out ignored me. She has aspergers so can just disappear for days. I text morning and what i was up to. got nothing all day.
Tuesday i sent one saying hope she was alright. Then she messaged to say she was out of texts and her reception was dodgy, but her replies were still evasive. i asked if she still wanted to hook up and she said 'of course xx' but i know i will not hear from this girl again. I opened up to her, and she did to me, we shared something unique and special.
she had a pace to work at which was slow, and i guess i still meet someone, grow to like them, then get over the moon they exist, and want to see them all the time. things calm again, but i like that fiery passion that drivves the beginning, then the cooler pace that goes on after. But i have harrased this girl, told her she is amazing, made there be no chase for me, and i have to just look at my feet and admit i am not in a stable place for a relationship, and really feared rejection and couldn't handle it when i first saw it and dread to ever reread what i may have written during the process.
Although this stings, i see she hasn't got the balls to just tell me its dead, don't know why, but the message is incredibly clear to me. It hurts, i feel i'll have noone and that i shall always be alone. This is all in my head and i'm trying to seperate fact from fiction in my head
I know what i did wrong, i know i have to leave this be, but supportive words or shared experiences or whatnot would sure help
thank you
But on the 5th i had 2 weeks alone in a house. All my meetings and friends to see (out of the 3 i physically have) were cancelled, and i was left, and really i fell apart inside but wouldn't admit it to myself, and kept texting this girl, every second, i couldn't sleep and my brain was on overload, as the less i sleep, the more it thinks, and usually not in a great way. Her texts became withdran and distant, not herself, i desperately text to make them go back to how it was. She did still met me for a date, and i thought it was a great day out, now i look back i realise how low i was, and wondered how much it came across.
The next day she text me in the morning, but since that morning she was really distant, so i text less and kept it cool, i thought if i have come on to strong, all i can do is show i can back down. I actually completely dell apart from thursday to sunday when my bosc died. I text her a bit insanely saying i was unure if she really wanted to meet again, then one saying i had had to much time and that the life i was picking up had been on hold and made me a bit low. then text that my bosc had passed. She sent a sympathetic text, then went back to few word answers with little to bounce off. From monday she just flat out ignored me. She has aspergers so can just disappear for days. I text morning and what i was up to. got nothing all day.
Tuesday i sent one saying hope she was alright. Then she messaged to say she was out of texts and her reception was dodgy, but her replies were still evasive. i asked if she still wanted to hook up and she said 'of course xx' but i know i will not hear from this girl again. I opened up to her, and she did to me, we shared something unique and special.
she had a pace to work at which was slow, and i guess i still meet someone, grow to like them, then get over the moon they exist, and want to see them all the time. things calm again, but i like that fiery passion that drivves the beginning, then the cooler pace that goes on after. But i have harrased this girl, told her she is amazing, made there be no chase for me, and i have to just look at my feet and admit i am not in a stable place for a relationship, and really feared rejection and couldn't handle it when i first saw it and dread to ever reread what i may have written during the process.
Although this stings, i see she hasn't got the balls to just tell me its dead, don't know why, but the message is incredibly clear to me. It hurts, i feel i'll have noone and that i shall always be alone. This is all in my head and i'm trying to seperate fact from fiction in my head
I know what i did wrong, i know i have to leave this be, but supportive words or shared experiences or whatnot would sure help
thank you