Hopes this helps or maybe helps non sufferers to understand.
Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2014 10:50 am
"Black dog go away!"... I shout across the void of my 2 minds and the battle for my survival begins. All logic is drowning in the depths of depression. The black sinister cloud is starting to take over dragging the will to live out of my being. Lasts night's laughter forgotten. The warmth of the sun on my bare skin turned cold as the cloud covers all that was my happy yesterday. Unbelievable that such a trivial event can trigger my stagger towards the precipice that presents the solution. There is no hope, no purpose to my existence. My anger at my small mistake has taken shape and is now a mammoth in-proportionate monster that threatens to devour me and I struggle with it's evil cancer-like growth. Gnarled fingers crippled by a complete void of life's joys scratch and tear at every vestige of my love and joy. Slowly the dog covers me till, struggling, the beast drags me to drown in a sea of self-pity. It is so crazy yet offers a relief from the heavy weight of guilt, lack of purpose and self esteem.
I fight to push my thoughts back to positive reality and grab the passing twig floating just below the sinking black slick . Just a feather of positive thought. A splinter of light through the darkness. Something will happen; is happening that will give me a glimmer of hope. It is ....
My mind quivers with the first signs the dog is struggling to hold me. Think of the sun, warm waves lapping over my body, the magpie's warble, the push of the first shoot of seeds through the moist earth, my hand breaks the surface but the black dog hangs on. I can do it, i will do it. I kick at the dog with my tired legs and my face feels the sun's warmth hits me like a roaring fire on a winter's night. I am winning the dog is falling away.
Tears a rolling down my face.
So much to live for.... I climb back into the the mainstream of life, floating on my oarless rowboat of dreams.
Looking back down into the depths the murky figure of the black dog smirks and waits.
My body shivers as the gentle hand of logic strokes away the torments of my depression.
I fight to push my thoughts back to positive reality and grab the passing twig floating just below the sinking black slick . Just a feather of positive thought. A splinter of light through the darkness. Something will happen; is happening that will give me a glimmer of hope. It is ....
My mind quivers with the first signs the dog is struggling to hold me. Think of the sun, warm waves lapping over my body, the magpie's warble, the push of the first shoot of seeds through the moist earth, my hand breaks the surface but the black dog hangs on. I can do it, i will do it. I kick at the dog with my tired legs and my face feels the sun's warmth hits me like a roaring fire on a winter's night. I am winning the dog is falling away.
Tears a rolling down my face.
So much to live for.... I climb back into the the mainstream of life, floating on my oarless rowboat of dreams.
Looking back down into the depths the murky figure of the black dog smirks and waits.
My body shivers as the gentle hand of logic strokes away the torments of my depression.