Depression Understood Forums

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this site.

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety between the age 10-12. I had told my mother that something had happened that was traumatizing and well I lied about it. That's not what caused what I have, its just I grew up keeping it to myself, and that I told everyone different until 4 months ago.

I can, however, say what had caused my "illness". My mom was a single mother all my life, and she was with this guy who was very abusive, physically/verbally to her and verbally to me. She met him when I was only 3. And I didn't even meet my biological father til I was 8 years old. If it weren't for my grandparents (R.I.P) I probably wouldn't have been here today. But they have saved me from being hurt worse than I was. My grandfather passed in 2007 and my grandmother passed away this past June a few days after my wedding .

Like I just noted, I am married to the man I've always wanted. He doesn't judge me when I'm feeling down and depressed. He's been there for me since June 2010. I just get scared sometimes that he would start judging me with how upset I get at times. But I just gotta trust him and believe in him. Its kinda sad, becuz I don't even let him look at ----- becuz it gets me worked up for some reason. People always ask me why...but to tell the truth, I honestly don't know why. I used to look at it in my high school years just from curiosity but feel different to it now.

As to what I'm doing for treatment to my "illness" I am on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds, but I have been on so many in my life that I don't know if I will ever grow out of having depression/anxiety. I asked a dr that had spoke for the support group I'm in, and he said that it will be very hard to overcome my depression/anxiety becuz I've been in "treatment" too long.

I just hope I will overcome it someday. Because it makes it hard for me to work with it. I get upset when people criticize me or pick on me, I tend to get overwhelmed with tasks, and I just give up if I can't do something "right"

Anyways there's my story...and I joined this site to try and communicate with others like me. And help people out, or at least try to. I'm awful at advice and stuff.

You aren't telling your story. You have to get it out. Are you afraid of what people will think if you tell it all. If you are afraid to tell the details, write it down first, then throw it away, without reading it. Do it again. The more you do it, the more you minimize what happened to you. We share a similar past. If you don't minimize what happened, you won't get through it. You won't learn to trust, or have confidence in yourself, especially when you are told, "It's not your fault." It's scary to tell the one person you love, the details of what happened to you as a child, and not think he will see you differently. You have to talk that chance, because your love will grow even more when he shows you how loving, and understanding he can really be. You will feel protected. He must know that you will talk about it from time to time, because that is the healing process. Trust in yourself. You can trust me too

Claudia