I've stopped living
Posted: Wed Jan 29, 2014 7:41 pm
It's been a rough year. I have always struggled with depression but this past year has been the breaking point. In the first 5 weeks of the year I had problems with my foot that left me in excruciating pain. During this time my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. After watching her go through a double mastectomy and reconstructive surgery and the constant worry for her, I have finally become mentally worn out. The doctor's have said that the cancer was caught early and she is now considered cancer free. However, all I do is worry about the cancer returning. I am obsessive about it. I don't do anything that I used to do. I get scared every time she goes for a checkup. I don't live for myself anymore. I just worry about her all the time. I also know she has bad days herself where she worries about it. I have gotten paralyzed with fear to the point that I just exist. I used to ride mountain bikes, and build model cars, metal detecting. These were passionate hobbies for me and now I don't do anything. Just get up, go to work, stress about everything and do it all over again the next day. I also can say I don't have any friends or family to talk to so I have no outlet and I can't afford the co-pay for any psychiatric help. Im just sick of not living! 