my story.

[heavyheart38]

My life to date has been pretty unusual. I am the first of three kids, I have a younger sister and brother, and there were 3 miscarriages between us, so yeah a reasonable gap. My parents were pretty absorbed in their motor racing to worry about the normal kids sports etc so I grew up being pretty uncoordinated at any ball sport, which in New Zealand is everything. We lived out of town and i never met another child until the first day of school. I ztill bear the scars of that day the beating i recieved for trying to kick a ball and i hit another kid, who promptly pushed me over and kicked me in the head. So i was known as the school retard who no one wanted to know from that day forward.
I was picked on by a female teacher when I was 7, she would ridicule me in from to the other students, she would harrass me until I wet my pants, then the cycle would start again. My confidence was shattered, any dignity i had was gone, that year i ended up being kept behind.
guess what, the repeat class was hers, re-run!!
luckily my parents bought a house and we moved away, saving me from any more grief from that wicked bitch.
new school was okay, but i would still wet my pants with fear when teacher asked me anything. By the time i was 10 i was pretty messed up and trying to handle things i could

[CrazyLady17]

I know how it feels to have a miscarriage and yes I've had three... Well actually I've had four. So I know how hard it is to get over something so horrible like a miscarriage.

I'm sorry you were put through that.
Have you told anyone about it?
Parents? Friends? The head of the school? As the teacher can't do that especially to a student and it's against the law in all directions.


(((Hugs)))

[heavyheart38]

......

[heavyheart38]

I finally was getting somewhere when an old student from my first school who was one that beat me up got transferred to my school, my class. He poisoned any chance i had from that day on, he even got this teacher to make my life miserable. Constant insults and put downs, even though i was intelligent. Middle school was horrible, only people that would associate wirh me were the special needs kids, so yep more insults put downs more mocking more hating and more beatings, in fact beatings from normal kids made me feel like i was fitting in. High school was when my life took a real downturn. I started to really hate myself, i would sink my fingernails into my face to try change how i looked, by this time i had to start wearing glasses so that just added to the loser status. I was one effed up dorky looking kid with no friends and a family who didnt notice the scatches and marks i was doing to myself. I was crying myself to sleep every night and becoming unstuck, getting the "waves" and really hating on myself.
i had my first sexual experience at 18, girl was really pretty, i was amazed i got with someone so beautiful, but it turned out to be a dare, that instantly changed my perception on attractive women as all they users that want to make fun of me. I had a couple more relationships but i have always resided to the fact that i only will be with below average women, which i am happy with i have learnt to love plus size and yeah thats it.
i got caught stealing from my dream job when i was 23 and life dropped from the best it had ever been to rock bottom. At least my partner stood by me, even though i was hiding my self loathing and still getting the "waves", as well as falling into hidden depression. I managed to get another job and continued on. I took a transfer within the company and ended up working in a room alone and i had a computer. Id surf a bit of net and get emails for the few friends i got. These pricks fired me for pictures of body painted women.
so firing number 2 went down like a cup of cold sick. Stood by me though but now insults,bickering, arguing.that toppled me over and i had a breakdown. The rest is history, counselling, diagnosis, medication. She still has never been to a counseling session And insists its all my problem, the insults, putdowns feel exactly the same as,when i was 7 years old, except i am now 38. A little understanding would help. My parents apologised to me on the weekend for now being more supportive, not that i need their help, too busy looking after my brothers kids because he is "stressed" with his job