Bullied half my life (Triggering Material)

[CrazyLady17]

Well this has taken me soon time to post this as I have never told anyone about this... So all you guys are the first to know all this.
Please bare with me.

I'll try and make this a short as possible....

So from the age of about 5years old I have been bullied. Started off with people kicking me in the school grounds to people name calling me on the school grounds. As the years got on and years gone by the bullying has gotten much worse.
To the point where I felt suicidal and started to self harm. I admit I first self harmed when I was 13 and have done ever since. I thought getting help wouldn't be useful as I know I would justifies worse. And to be fair I do feel worse, a lot worse infact.
I am scared to let anyone know what is happening, so most of the time I hide away and pretend everything is okay wen really I am hurting inside and in so much pain from all the bullying.

When I became a teen(13) the bullying became just more than bullying in school times, I used to go out with friends and people used to bully me on the streets. I get bullied on the intertent(via twitter, favebook, ask.fm)...
I have had texts of bullying too.
It's gotten much worse and it's no wonder I feel so depressed and suicidal as I do now.

I have not told anyone this before, only my bestfriend knew but she is now dead.
I am scared to tell anyone about it.
I thought it would stop as we got older, but it hasn't it still goes on now and I am now 17.
I've had 12ywars worth of bullying and I've had enough now.
I'm sick of letting them walk all over me.

I'm sick of pretending I'm "fine", when tells I'm dying.

[drizzle]

I suggest you to look at youtube for: boogie bullying

boogie2988 is a youtube comedian who also makes videos about life

he was a victim of bullying for almost his whole life(you can see the story of his life in his video: draw my life)

maybe you can even try to contact him

[CrazyLady17]

Not being rude or anything but;
Bullying isn't funny? Bullying is serious matter you know? Everyday thousands of people commit suicide due to bullying.
I am not going to sit and watch a silly video about bullying!!

I knew posting about my experience of bullying was such a bad mistake.

[drizzle]

it is a serious video not a joke

(No Links Please)

I know that it is a huge problem, but I have never experienced it

I did not mean this as a joke

I think you are very brave to say something about it

[CrazyLady17]

Okay.
Thank you for the link, will watch it when I can.

Sorry for lashing out at you, I am insecure when it comes to bullying you see, so I feel quite upset and very hurt by it all.
Makes sense?

Hmm..
Bullying is horrible, it's made me feel like my life isn't worth living anymore.
This is the first time I've ever said it out loud!

[drizzle]

It's ok. It makes sense

boogie2988 has been a victim of bullying for a long time
and maybe these videos could help you
he is a great person who has suffered a lot during his life
maybe he could help you if you try to contact him(I'm not sure if someone can be contacted over youtube, probably possible)

It is very brave that you have opened yourself
If you need someone to listen, write here
I have never experienced bullying, but I'm ready to listen if you need someone

[CrazyLady17]

I would rather not look at the videos sorry...
I've suffered and still suffering with major bullying now and to be honest, no video will help me, I'm past help with bullying now to be fair.
All I need is to be dead, let the bullies win I suppose.

Aww thank you.

[drizzle]

boogie2988 was bullied in his schools, had family who hadn't support him as he needed, thought about killing himself, he had problems with health and weight, could not leave his house for years

He had suffered a lot, but he had survived
Now he is happy, because of YouTube and because he had found love of his life

I really think that you should watch his videos

(No Links Please)
this is the story of his life, pretty sad, a lot of falls, but he had managed to find light in his life

don't let them win just because you feel weak
you are a great person(I'm sure of that), you should live and enjoy life

[CrazyLady17]

Because stop telling me about the video please!!!!!
I don't want to see the video, I don't want to be happy. I will never be happy after all the bullying, I am suicidal because of it all. I self harm because of it all, I am depressed because of it all.

Bullying is serious and I am close to committing suicide because the bullying is getting too much for me to handle.

[drizzle]

I am sorry.

I did not mean to make you angry.

[CrazyLady17]

Why are you sorry?
You didn't make me angry? :/
I'm sorry for lashing again..

like I said before I am so insecure about my bullying experience and sahing all this is new to me and I feel low people are judging me

[drizzle]

It's ok

Don't feel insecure about posting here.
We are here to listen to each other.

[CrazyLady17]

Thank you for understating...

I know, but it's a very hard subject fore to talk about and especially to let others in on my story. It took a hell of a lot courage to post my bullying story. I was in tears writing it to be honest.

I am on the edge of it all.

[CrazyLady17]

Can't take anymore of this bullying, for years I have felt so damn trapped and feel like there is no way out and I feel like I am going to be trapped forever and like I'll always be bullied.
I can't stand talking about my bullying experience as it brings back so many bad memories and bad flashbacks back, but I feel if I for talk about it soon, I think I'll have a mental breakdown because of it.

It's been 12years and I have now started to give up and letting all my bullies win and letting them bully me even more...
I feel like if I keep on getting bullied I'll end up commiting suicide, lien I have tried before. This isn't on anymore.

My childhood wasn't a good one at all. And nobody knows how I feel and nobody knows about the bullying.
It's horrible, it's a nightmare.

[4EverMe]

Hi "Crazy,"
I went to so many schools, because my Dad was in the Navy.
For a few years, in one area, I experienced bullying to the extreme. One day, one of the 'nicer' girls of their group admitted that her friends were jealous of my beauty. How retarded...It's not like I was parading around like a slut!!
At my other schools, I was popular and very liked. Hmm. Wow. Depends upon the crowd, I guess.
But, yeah, the damage was already done.
THEN...!
un
I'm a much stronger person, now. Nowadays, I have an the attitude of not caring what others think- unless I respect them.

Don't allow yourself to be a victim to a*******. They frickin enjoy this thoroughly! I know it's hard, but because I care, I say, "Buck up, friend!"
Stop allowing them to drain you; It's what they want!!
I speak from my situations of being in these predicaments.


Also, the idea of watching the comedy that Drizzle recommended, is right on. Try it, and let us know.