the chaos in my head.

[PDFS]

i have been recommended this site by a close friend as i am finally trying to do something about my issues that i feel have been with me for far too long.
i feel like i am damaged in some way as i find myself crying at some really small thing yet when my dad nearly died it did not effect me, i feel heartless looking back as all i thought about was how much money i might get yet a cute animation can have me in blubbing.
I shout at people that try and help me and show me affection and i don't know why.
when i feel low i just want to hide away from the world and have been known to lock myself away and not speak to another person for weeks at a time
it wasn't till a few years ago that things truly got on top of me i had suffered times of low mood since my early teens but was always confident and able to socialize like everybody else but recently i have become more withdrawn, i struggle to socialize and get very self conscious to the point i make excuses to leave or not go out in the first place and have had panic attacks at the thought of going out at some points i have doubted my own sanity and been unable to tell if the voices i hear are real or not.
All i really seam to want is to be on my own all the time but i know this doesn't help so try and avoid it.
i guess i just want to know i am not the only person out there that feels this way

[Frame]

Your not alone.
Seems to me like your grieving over something. Not sure just what.
I think I've been grieving for years over lost hopes and dreams. Promises made by American Dreamers; if I worked hard, if I listened and learned. It hasn't worked out that way. I've just begun to understand why. Doesn't make it easier.

Well,... maybe a little.

Welcome to the site;
Frame

[windsong]

Hi PDFS are you seeking any kind of treatment at all?

You might want to see someone if you aren't. If you are, are you taking anything for the panic attacks?

Sounds like agoraphobia if you are having panic attacks at the thought of going out. Is there anything that makes going out easier?

With me when I struggle to go out I tend to do everything all at once so that I don't have to go out more than necessary.

Another helpful thing can be give yourself plenty of time to accomplish what you need, or to have an escape plan. Someone go with you. Whatever it takes.

Hope this helps.
StarsFallToo

[CrazyLady17]

You are totally not alone here, we will support you the best we can.

Keep reaching out if you can. Keeping posting if you can.

Warm welcome from me.

(((Hugs)))

[PDFS]

I been medicated for anxiety in the past as well as depression but have found the medication has lowered my mood more and i got repetitive nightmares that i didn't wake from so i stopped taking them. i am currently on a waiting list for CBT but i have no idea how long this will take. i am just worried as I am getting low again and don't want to end up back where i was a few years ago so i am trying to get help sooner this time rather than wait till i have hit rock bottom.

@starsfalltoo
i find if i am going out i have to be spontaneous as if i have to much time to think about it i'll talk myself out of it and i am fine going out to the shops and other places its just social situations that freak me out. i haven't had a panic attack in a few years but as i can feel myself getting back to a bad place i am worried they'll return too.

the one thing i find helps a lot is getting loads of exercise so i make sure i get into the gym as much as possible but then on days i don't it is really noticeable as i am short tempered and struggle to sleep.

[CrazyLady17]

I think that's a good idea, well done! Hope you get the help you need soon as possible, and like i said earlier keep reaching out here if it helps.

(((Hugs))))

[PDFS]

not feeling great this evening i have a family event to go to and my Dad says he has big news, im very anxious and shaking i am trying to go in the gym to burn it off but its not helping.

[CrazyLady17]

Try stay as calm and relaxed as you can.
Breathe deeply and slowly, count to 10 in your head. That should help you.

(((Hugs)))

[PDFS]

so towards the end of the week i was feeling really low and unable to really do any thing other than sleep but then for the last 2 day day i haven't been able to sleep properly, i am really hyperactive and quick to snap (this is pretty normal recently ) but i cant focus on any thing for long. so any hints as to how to keep at a normal level rather than this cycle of highs and lows would be great.

[CrazyLady17]

Oh I'm sorry.

(((Hugs)))

[PDFS]

i don't mind when i am like this although i do seam to piss off people around me pretty quickly, luckily i am home alone for a week and i have got loads of house work done since i have been up since 5am.

[PDFS]

its just i find why i get hyper for too long its normally followed by me crashing and feeling like crap for a few days some times longer.

[CrazyLady17]

(((Hugs))) go no words!

[dablues]

you are not alone! do you have bi polar? the highs and lows can be exhausting. (((HUGS)))

[CrazyLady17]

We are always here for you.
Keep strong.

(((Hugs)))