Loosing best friend through suicide

[CrazyLady17]

Well I've had a pretty rough year and a half. And it's led me to be depressed.
People dying and people leaving my life and things.
Gotten to the point where I have had to drop out of college because I can't focus. I have a support worker and she is lovely and she helps me too.

I just feel alone.
I feel trapped in this depression now.

[MyUnseenStarlight]

I'm sorry for your loss. Nothing can hurt more then losing people you care so much about.

Anytime you need to vent. Anytime at all just come on here. There will always be people who listen. I hope this helps you feel less alone.

( Big Hugs )

[CrazyLady17]

Thank you so much.

Yes it hurts a lot to be honest....
I can't think straight, my depression is taking over and feel like I'm falling apart

Thank you again.

[MyUnseenStarlight]

Wish I could give you a hug. Please hang in there.

[CrazyLady17]

Thank you so much.

Want to cry so much
I can't hang in there, I'm at my breaking point

[CrazyLady17]

I feel so guilty...
Why is depression so hard to get rid of?!!!

I hate being unwell now

[MyUnseenStarlight]

I sure wish I knew why it's so hard to get rid of. I'm asking that same question to myself.

[CrazyLady17]

Aww.
Hmm...
I give up. Depression has won.
Can't do it anymore.

[Frame]

I think one way to help yourself move through these feelings and also to honor the people you are grieving for, is to talk about your memory of these people. The time you valued with them has not dissolved. You still possess that rich history of relationship and it might be helpful to put some of that concretely into words.

[CrazyLady17]

It's hard frame though....
I mean talking about them- makes me feel worse. I just cry and cry. And one death;best friends death, is still pretty raw and with Christmas coming up in less than a month now I'm freaking out!!!
I just can't cope

[CrazyLady17]

Christmas it getting closer and I'm struggling a lot.
Depression is seriously getting worse.

[CrazyLady17]

Struggling so much.....
I can't come to terms with my best friends death. It doesn't seem real, it feels like a complete nightmare. It's horrid, I just want to wake up from it and everything be okay. But that'll take a miracle for that to happen.

[CrazyLady17]

Went shopping yesterday after the hospital and saw loads of gifts that my best friend would of loved, I went into the shop and started to cry and cry. People started to look at me and laughed, I cried even more. The shop assistance just left me standing there crying and getting laughed at, charming!
I ended up buying the gifts and wrapping them up for her.
Is that strange? Is that crazy? Or is it normal?

I am struggling with her death.
Depression is all part of the grieving for me I guess.

[PixieArmy]

Dear CrazyLady17,

I don't know if its weird or not. I lost my bf many years ago. Every year I still buy him a birthday present, and leave it at his gravesite. I don't care if its normal or not, its just a way for me to keep connected to him.

Try to not give so much importance to what people say or think. They don't know the inside of you, they don't know how you are struggling, if they laugh at a girl that is crying at a shop, shame on them, not you.

Try to hang in there, let the storm pass. Grieving is a very difficult process, but things do improve, let yourself cry and also let yourself try to do things to make you feel better.

PixieArmy

[CrazyLady17]

Hey,

Aww I'm sorry to hear that. How have you coped since he passed away may I ask? Aww phew! At least it isn't just me then aha.
I'm not crazy or going mental am I then?

Hmm suppose so. I feel so ashamed though? I mean a girl crying at a shop? Come on? I take things to heart though it's just who I am, I've been like it ever since I got bullied as a young child and always been so insecure about everything. I feel guilty for buying the gifts though? I mean they aren't going to do anything, I'm not going to use them... What was I thinking seriously?

Yes I suppose you're right there. I'm trying to hang in there the best i can- but my strongest isn't there anymore I feel so weak and feel like everytime is my fault. I was the one to find my best friend dead on the floor, I knew she wanted to commit suicide, but promised her I wouldn't say a word as she wanted to find peace. Now I feel so guilty. It's all my fault.