Tired from this life.

[Sonya The Depressed]

Do you guys know what i learned in these days?

I have a pretty messed up life. I know i shouldn't swore but I can't help it anymore! I. Hate. My. Life.

Well on Thursday and Friday i got my high school test which is i end up sleeping 5 hours after them. Fun isn't it? Whoopdy. Frigin. Doo.
Then my mom lied to me to send me to the place i hate more then EVERYTHING. My granny's house. (My father's mother.) ON SATURDAY.

Ok, the story is this;
I woke up happily on Saturday. Why happily? First, I was going to try Lucid Dreaming. Which is the best thing ever! Second, I was going to play console and PC games all day but thanks to my great mother, I have to go to my MFM (i don't even want to call her my granny anymore.) with guess who? My little sister. I don't you guys but my sis is the worst. Why? First things first, she's hyperactive and she has dyslexia! So thing is she always runs around cuz she's hyperactive and she doesn't listen to me cuz she is dyslexia. And she likes to boss around. ALOT. My mom told me the home was going to get bug sprayed (or whatever it's called) and she was going to stay late at her conference...which is, it was a big fat lie.

Some of you may be thinking; "Why does she hates a cute lonely elder woman?"

Well, if you know "cute elder woman" as a person whom smokes like 2-3 packets of cigaret every each day and drinks dark coffee with it while watching crappy Korean soap operas in front of a laptop for all day...then you have a problem.

Also she doesn't smokes outside, she smokes next to her grand children. In same room. And I'm pretty sure she doesn't care if we there or not. When ever i came from there my clothes smells like smoke too. Thank Zalgo i stayed there 1 and a half day.

It's not same in my mother's side of family...my mother's mother is person you can actually call grandma. She teaches me how to cook, clean, style my hair and even how to grow plants!

But i can't see her all the time cuz she's in Germany.

And theres my uncle, he's like my seconds father.

If i don't get out from my room, he comes and checks me if I'm okay and asks me to join them to their dinner or maybe to movie they watching on their tv. And even if i say no he comes and checks me every 10-20 mins.

But he lives 3-4 hours away from where we live! See? Everything i love is far away!

And my dad? If i lock myself in my room every time this conversation happens;

-*tries to opens the door* ...Sonya are you okay there?

-.........yeah.......

-why did you lock the door?

-please leave me alone.

-..........okay.

Like seriously. He leaved. We all know when we say "Leave me alone" that actually means "please come and comfort me i need somebody!"

So yeah...still feeling dizzy and sometimes i feel like I'm gonna throw up. I can't eat food either.
It taste so...blank?....I don't know anymore.

I feel tired all the time.

I get really bored a lot.

Btw it's kinda like a diary now. The difference is i write it when i get depressed...

Also i really into creepy pasta's.
I really want Slenderman to be real...sometimes when the moon is behind the clouds, i wish something jump up from the darkness and pull me to life's different part. I'm bored to be in this part of this life...like I'm not saying anything like really bad things...i just want to be free...i just want to forget everything and do whatever i want! I want a exciting life. That's it. Am I wanting too much things?...

Thank you for reading.

Sonya is out.

[fallen]

sorry you are finding it tough, but being a teenager does not last forever, you will have your own freedom soon in a few years.
then you can do what ever you want.
take care

[Ihatelife]

Hey Friend!

I read your post and I must say...I can relate!!!

Life can be cruel and is downright unfair to us!

I am no doctor, but I too have had the same physical symptoms as yourself...mine is caused by severe depression, anxiety, and panic. I take soem meds...they do not make the problems go away...but it does make me able to barely "stay above water".

Is it possible to sit down with family and convey to them how you really feel? Have you considered therapy?

Message me anytime...I am here to help!

[CrazyLady17]

(((Big hugs coming your way)))