my jealousy keeping me down

[georgeboy]

I can't shake off bad feelings about things my wife did before we were together.
She didnt do anything too bad, a few more blokes than i would like but because i saw a few things that i didnt want to, and the fact that our sex life isnt what it should be means im constantly feeling insecure, jealous and hurting.
We have been together 4 years, i went through a spell of this after a year or so when i got depressed. I thought i had put it behind me but here we go again, im so depressed, struggling to cope and obsessing over this. Its giving me the worst feeling in the world and is keeping me at rock bottom.
Im currrntly taking 1600 mg a day of SAMe and tried sjw but nothing seems to be working, i dont know if these feelings have got so deep that i will never get over them

[Frame]

George I might not be the best one to take advice from; I've pretty much given up on the world of relationships. But I know it's about me and what I'm prepared to do, what I can do, what my limits are. I haven't given up hope; just given up on trying.

But this fact has come up a number of times in the last few months. Relationships that stand the test of time, all the ones I am aware of, are based on communication; talking. Talking, talking, talking, talking, talking; I don't know any marriages that have survived without it.

People have said that a healthy marriage needs healthy sex. That may be true but I believe it's not loving each other that is the key to staying together (I've heard plenty of people say they love each other but can't live together), but liking each other. We have to like each other to put up with all the jabbering. We have find each other interesting enough to listen to. It's not my theory. It's an existential experience. To survive together, we have to talk to each other. We have to want to listen to each other.

Just sayin.
I think if you really apply yourself to listening, you'll find things about her you can trust.

[Frame]

BTW George, have you found any hobbies to keep you busy?

[georgeboy]

Thanks frame.
I have just this morning spoken to my wife about everything I had bottled up. It wasnt easy but its something i had to do. It went ok, i think i worded things right(for a change). I didnt really get any answers but feel loads better for speaking to her about it as i felt we were starting to drift apart. I explained i knew she hadnt done anything wrong but these were thoughts i was having which were made much worse because of the depression im going through.
I broke down several times this morning and felt i could take no more. Whilst im nowhere near at the point now where everything is ok, i do feel slightly lifted and feel like perhaps its the 1st step towards a recovery.
Ive got so much i need to sort out but hopefully this is the start and will give me some strength to be able to do it.
I tried the guitar but was really struggling to be able to concentrate on anything. I will try again though.I also tried sudoku to help take my mind off things for a while. I do need to get some hobbies again to help keep me from depression, i know it will help enormously. Its one of many things i will be doing to help sort my life out.

[Frame]

I'm thrilled, George, that you spoke to her.
Keep talking. And keep listening.