All By Myself...

[DCBLUE]

It's weird, I am 57 years old and don't have any real friends I talk to on a regular basis. I haven't had sex with my wife in almost three years. I am about to retire from a job I have been working for almost 36 years. I have three sons, one from a former marriage and two with my current wife. My wife and I have been working together for almost 22 years. My emotions range from angry to suicidal to tears... I have a my Man Cave that I spend most of the time in. My wife gets attitudes where she may go a few days without speaking to me. I am always depressed and now with me retiring I am even more depressed because the wife doesn't want me to. She says I will not be working therefore not providing for the family... I have an 18 year old who's a senior in high school and a 20 year old in college. I am ten years older than her and we are totally opposites. I am a free spirit and she's in the church. She tries to run that morality thing on me whenever she can but it never works. It's hard to go through STUFF and not have anybody to talk it over with. I think that's my biggest problem. I keep a lot of STUFF to myself. Actually I feel a little better just typing this out... I have lived a pretty interesting life up to this point. I think what the wife is really feeling is anxiety separation with me retiring. I don't think we are as in love as we used to be... I think if we hadn't of had kids I would not have stayed. I know that's a bad thing to admit but it's true. Thanks for letting me vent....

[Ieris]

Hello DCBLUE,

Sorry that you feel that way.

Are you looking forward to retirement? And are there things that you are looking forward to do after retirement?

You said that you spend most of your time in your man cave and don't have anybody to talk things over with. Why not go out, find some hobbies or do some things that you've always wanted to do and meet some new people as you will then have the time and freedom to do so after retirement and I believe you should really enjoy it.

You don't seem to be getting along with your wife very well, as you mention her a lot in your post. You said that you're not in love as you used to be and haven't had sex in 3 years. I think when couples have been together for so long, things just get repetitive, people stop making the effort and they often take each other for granted. The early years are usually the most exciting, the dates, the surprises etc. why not bring that back and do something special together? Go to places you both enjoy, treat it like a date.

You have raised your sons and provided for your family, this is something you should be proud of if only all fathers were like that!

I really hope you feel better x

[DCBLUE]

Thanks I appreciate those encouraging words. Fact is we will probably never get back to the way it was no matter how hard we try. And yes I have begun to look at my life after retirement and planned on doing more things. I was never the recluse, I coached youth sports for over ten years and have been in semi-t retirement from that. An old assistant coach just texted me yesterday and wants me to help her coach this season... I guess my main hangup is not having any life other than the one stuck around my in-laws. I have much respect for them but need other ventures besides church and sitting around talking about folks... I know my problems are way minuscule compared to some of the folks issues I have read. Truth is depression can only get worst and I guess that's what I am trying to avoid.

[Ieris]

You're welcome

That is unfortunate, I believe you have tried and if that isn't going to change anything then best to accept things as they are and put your attention onto other aspects of your life which you can work on.

Great news about the coaching, usually one thing leads to another so definitely be open minded about that I understand what you mean with being stuck around a certain group, I used to just do whatever my friends did but now I have other interests which I do on my own or have different friends for other activities so don't be afraid to branch out on your own.

What do you do when you feel down/stressed out? Do you have some sort of escape? My escape is reading books, it's like getting good advice from a tutor, much more better than hearing generic comments from friends.