Depression Understood Forums

Today I woke up feeling low, but decided to make that feeling worse by looking up an old girlfriend on the net, and saw how happy she was just to torture myself a bit. Once I was in the right frame of mind I took a long coastal walk by the cliffs. Sometimes on these walks I am close to tears but today I wasn't.

I am 35, single, jobless and just sick of it all. My family want me to go and see the doctor but I don't want to go on anti-depressants and be filled with a false sense of cheeriness. Every aspect of my life I examine just takes me back to the same point, that my best days are behind me and I have no prospects and nothing to look forward to. It just seems pointless. I am from a large, close family and I love them all dearly but sometimes I wish there was nobody as it would make suicide a much easier option.

I have withdrawn somewhat over the last year or so. I rarely go out to socialise, don't answer the phone in the house. Everything has become a chore, and when I see everyone getting excited over the prospect of xmas or whatever it just fills me with dread and I shut myself off. My sister told me if I was prescribed something to help then it would help me see that there is hope. But the truth is I don't want to see hope.

If you go beyond hope, beyond death, there is still more. When you were half your age, what was it you wanted to do with your life then?

Hello Oscar, sorry that you feel that way but don't shut yourself off, why are you giving up when no one has given up on you?

To think, to dream or to wish things to be different doesn't get you out of that cycle, you must take actions to break out of it even if it is very small steps. 1 step in the right direction is better than not moving at all.

What is making you feel low? What is missing? What will make you feel better? What is stopping you from living the life you want? It might sound simple but you should try writing these things down onto paper. I find that it is easier to tackle when seeing it in words rather than letting random thoughts swim around in my head, I wouldn't know where to start.

I know things aren't always as simple as ABC but don't you find when you listen to someone else's problems they always seem to be easier to tackle than your own? Probably because you look at it without their worries and fears. Might just have to put your worries and fears to one side and deal with your own problems the same way.

Best of luck Oscar, dont give up! x