Depression Understood Forums

I am 25 years old, and have been dragged down by an incredible sadness since I was about 12.

When I was about 8, my mother's partner molested me. I told mum about it, and she seemed a bit pissed off...the next day, I got a toy dog and it was never spoken of again.

He hasn't touched me since, but he still makes my skin crawl. It's more the fact that my own mother chose him over me that hurts.

As a result, when I get into a relationship, I REALLY fall in love. I've had three so far, the most recent one only lasting 6 months but it has destroyed me. He left me so he could go back to his ex (who he probably cheated on me with). It was very sudden. I know stuff like this happens, but I'm not handling it well. I've discovered that in order to be happy, I need a man. I guess it stems from that abandonment.

I used to cut myself a lot but haven't done so for about a month. I'm constantly sad, cry every night, just sit in my flat thinking about my ex and where I went wrong in life.

Last week, I made an attempt to end things. Thankfully, when it didn't work I saw sense and contacted the appropriate health teams. I'm now enrolled at a day mental health centre.

I'm so scared of being alone in my flat for what I might do. I'm so utterly miserable, but I must be part of the way to recovery given that I genuinely want to be happy. I've used depression as a crutch for so long.

I would really appreciate it if anyone has any tips regarding how to be happy alone, how to love yourself, and how to get the most out of your life. Because I'm currently in a pit of blackness and I desperately want to get out.

x

Hi fluttershy; Welcome to the group.

fluttershy wrote:...how to be happy alone, how to love yourself, and how to get the most out of your life. Because I'm currently in a pit of blackness and I desperately want to get out.

Me too, me too. I not sure I can help you with how to love yourself since everything I've done so far (and I feel like I've taken the best advice and tried most everything) has been mediocre at best.

But on the points of being, at least content, alone and making every day count I have some suggestions. To a large extent the habits I work to maintain and espouse here work for both goals. Making every day count and getting the most from life is part of what makes being alone worth while. And if life alone is worth while, it is easier to be happy.

I just this moment got busy. So I'm going to push the submit button and write more soon.
Frame

Hello beautiful soul.

It's like you have described me and my past 25 years also. I can understand how scary and alone you must feel at times. The only way you think you can get rid of this feeling is by finding someone to love you. I have done this for many years, have been in and out of relationships, searching for anyone to just love me. We are made to believe that without a significant other in our lives that we are not loveable, we are not complete etc. Well only recently did I discover that this is very far from the truth. Even in my relationships, I noticed that I still felt alone and unloved. How could this be? I had someone who loved me and wanted to spend time with me. However, I was not aware that by searching for someone to love me, I was neglecting myself and my ability to love myself, which is where true happiness and fulfillment occur.
I know that this might seem impossible right now, but trust me when I say that right now in this very moment, whether you believe it or not, you have exactly what you need deep inside yourself to feel loved and cherished, because all you need is ... you.
You are the answer to your loneliness and despair my dear. You have this amazing, beautiful love inside your soul that is begging you to acknowledge it. All of this depression, sadness and despair is simply your soul telling you to love yourself and acknowledge your own truth and beauty.
This is not to say that suffering should not exist, and that you should not feel sadness or despair, because through these feelings we learn how to love.
It sounds as if you need to start being alot kinder to yourself and start realising how amazing you are, without someone else's reassurance or acceptance.
Maybe start by lying down somewhere that you are comfortable and do some breathing exercises (in and out very slowly and deeply) then ask yourself questions like "Why do I feel so alone?" "Am I deserving of self love?" and just see what comes to mind. There are no right or wrong answers.
I hope this has helped. Please feel free to message me anytime you feel really alone or desparate.

I was looking back at thoughts I posted about healthy practices. One of the things that struck me is how our lives interlock; whether we are in a cycle of good habits or bad, they seem to reinforce each other. The reason I mention it is because I want to tell you that: just as I said being happy and getting the most out of life are locked together, being awake doing good things for yourself are locked together.

Does that sound convoluted? Here's the logic: To get the most out of every day we have to be doing the most every day. To do our best, be our best we need to get the right amount of rest. And the right amount of rest means keeping a stable sleep schedule. But when things aren't going right our minds fill with feeling and troubles we can't tamp down. We have trouble sleeping and it becomes a vicious cycle. We get locked into an unhappy cycle.

I think I'm doing the things that help me get the most out of life and I'm really pretty satisfied being alone, not always but mostly. Depression has dogged me (I realize now) all my life. No, most of the time I can't say the feelings that fill my mind are happy one's. That would be nice but that's secondary to the worthy goals you have mentioned and these are the one's I concentrate on. So I have a set of practices which I think are locking me into getting the most out of life sometimes despite myself. They are also the things that, at the end of the day, make living alone a source of contentment and optimism.

More later.