Depression Understood Forums

Okay..
Well im 16 and have never really had a happy life I grew up with my parents together untill I was 7 from gambling, it went downhill from there he came in and out of my life for years untill I was tenish he stuck around more, we were bestfriends I was a proper daddys girl we had so much in common and he helped me believe in my self until he died 3 months ago. . I feel emotionless now I feel like nothing. He had alcoholism im not sure if he killed himself or what. . But yeah, he was only 36.
Im scared my uncle will do the same he's a heavy alcoholic hes 28 and is constantly ill and suicidal, my dad was also sucidal for months. During my gcses I sat up talking him oit of hanging himself, sat up all night as he screamed for help.
My uncle is insane hr screams for help outside the mental hospital, cuts on his wrists alcohol ruined them both my dad was the happiest guy ever my uncle like me is very passinate about music, he could of went far.
When I was 14 I was depressed alot because my mums boyfriend made me feelworthless and made me leave home my dad took me in he was going to aa then and was very happy .also happy to have me there.. that guy was also having a double life with my mum he actually had a wife and kids.. my mum took him back it broke my heart.
My brother whos 18 is left with alot of anger and it kills me. alot more has happened im not comfortable sharing yet I just want help I dont really want to live anymore[/u]

Hi flonug, (spelling)?!
First, I just want to say that my heart broke for you when you said your dad passed three months ago. This must be extremely hard too, considering that he was also one who helped you to believe in youself! Okay, I admit to succumbing to tears over this. If I were you? I'd make a list of all the uplifting things he spoke to you throughout the years. In this way, you will have these words of love to fall back on, when you don't want to be live. It will also be a keep-sake you can place with his photos...How do you and your mom get along?

Please also know that pain DOES fade with time. (I'm a living testimony to this)! And believe me, I have been through some very hurtful experiences! I'm still here...Don't give up! Take to heart all that your father said to you. You are worth it, and he obviously knew this too. (((((HUGS)))))