After A Year
Moderators: Sunlily92, windsong, BlueGobi, Moderators, Astrid
After A Year
it has already been a year since she broke up with me, and in that one year I still think about her every single day and would check her social networking sites every single day (facebook, Twitter, Instagram). And finally, yesterday I saw a picture of her and her new boyfriend whom she has been dating for six months. I have got no friends cause I'm a quiet person and I have oone to turn and talk to. I'm sorry but I'm not good with my words, but I really hope youguys can understand me and give me some advice. I have been having nightmares of her lately and I can't sleepor et well, I'm honestly so very lonely with no one to turn to and no one there to comfort me. The memoriesI had with her keeps on replaying in my head day and day again and it honeslty hurts so much. All my previous posts here have been about this and I'm on the brink of losing my mind. Please...what should I do? I really miss her but...sigh deep down inside I know I can't have her back.
YuYu we understand your pain. There is a place inside of you that is empty. The thing is, she is not the only piece that will fit that empty space. Even after a year of dating, she is not irreplaceable.
But for a year now, you have chosen to make her the only important thing in your life (even though she's gone and almost certainly not coming back) to the point of stalking.
So; what does this point to?
First of all; we all know that your actions are not healthy but nothing has changed in a year.
Second of all; because nothing has changed then that's not your real problem. Your using this broken relationship for distract you from something else in your life that needs to change in order for your life to progress.
Now; I'm not saying your being willful or obstinate. (Although I get the sense you have a pretty strong will.) But it is sometimes it is so difficult to look clearly at some parts of our lives, parts we know are not doing us any good, but that we can't bare consider changing. A psychiatrist once told me that our pathologies (the things we seek treatment for) become like old friends after a while and we can't bare to part with them.
What I am saying is; I urge you to look deeper into your life and the feelings that lead you to fixate on your ex-girlfriend. Because they're not about her. They may not even be about you.
But for a year now, you have chosen to make her the only important thing in your life (even though she's gone and almost certainly not coming back) to the point of stalking.
So; what does this point to?
First of all; we all know that your actions are not healthy but nothing has changed in a year.
Second of all; because nothing has changed then that's not your real problem. Your using this broken relationship for distract you from something else in your life that needs to change in order for your life to progress.
Now; I'm not saying your being willful or obstinate. (Although I get the sense you have a pretty strong will.) But it is sometimes it is so difficult to look clearly at some parts of our lives, parts we know are not doing us any good, but that we can't bare consider changing. A psychiatrist once told me that our pathologies (the things we seek treatment for) become like old friends after a while and we can't bare to part with them.
What I am saying is; I urge you to look deeper into your life and the feelings that lead you to fixate on your ex-girlfriend. Because they're not about her. They may not even be about you.
Well, I think the most positive action you can take is to study and practice meditation. You have things going on inside you that your not aware of. You need to be. The best tool I know of for self awareness is meditation. If you can join a group, that's good, but you need to learn about the mechanics and set up a daily discipline.
That is what I think is best; however any daily discipline of exercise and or creative practice will promote self awareness an help you discover things about yourself that may not yet know.
Understand that in any of these pursuits, it is the steady routine of dedicating a block of time; days your happy, days you feel lousy, hot days, and cold days, everyday, which allows you to begin to see things about yourself which are consistent over all. It's not about results, not about product, or growth, or mastery (these things can happen but) it's about the practical routine. Read about it.
That is what I think is best; however any daily discipline of exercise and or creative practice will promote self awareness an help you discover things about yourself that may not yet know.
Understand that in any of these pursuits, it is the steady routine of dedicating a block of time; days your happy, days you feel lousy, hot days, and cold days, everyday, which allows you to begin to see things about yourself which are consistent over all. It's not about results, not about product, or growth, or mastery (these things can happen but) it's about the practical routine. Read about it.
-
Alaska1958
- Posts: 178
- Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:23 pm
I can definitely relate to your situation. It has been a year now since my wife and I split up. Only with me, it's anger more than anything that I have trouble coping with. But being alone this last year has been very difficult. Yesterday I went all day without feeling anger and it was so peaceful. I want to move to that state of mind.
For you, I agree with Frame, but I have always lacked the discipline to do it myself. When I was young I could make it work for periods of time, but not so much now. However all the therapists I've talked to have recommended similar regimens.
Surely getting out, make a point of finding new friends, get involved in a few different groups or activities and maybe take some interesting classes. If you find yourself sitting home and checking facebook for updates on her status, call a friend, go for a walk, bike ride, something. Don't stay inactive.
For you, I agree with Frame, but I have always lacked the discipline to do it myself. When I was young I could make it work for periods of time, but not so much now. However all the therapists I've talked to have recommended similar regimens.
Surely getting out, make a point of finding new friends, get involved in a few different groups or activities and maybe take some interesting classes. If you find yourself sitting home and checking facebook for updates on her status, call a friend, go for a walk, bike ride, something. Don't stay inactive.
Who is online
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 161 guests