Fake Friends.

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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RedTeardrops
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 1:27 pm
Location: Scotland

Fake Friends.

Postby RedTeardrops » Mon Jul 22, 2013 2:05 pm

Hey there, i'm not going to go on and on about how my life turned upside down, or you's will probably be bored, so i'll just shorten it a bit.

About 2 months ago, i was living a good life. I had great friends, an amazing family, and i was happy. But one month ago, my 'great' friends started to act weird with me. I'd often see them outside without me, and i felt a bit upset. I tried ignoring their bizarre behaviour but even at school they would whisper between themselves and i would be the outsider. I waved it off and carried on hanging about with them, maybe it was just a phase, maybe they would stop, i told myself. But it didn't. Just recently -and by recent, i mean last week- we were all out together for a change, but then they started playing up again, mocking me and whispering between eachother, while i was stood there. I told them what they were whispering about and they said nothing. It obviously wasn't 'nothing'. I rolled my eyes, maybe it was none of my business. Suddenly out of the blue, they started calling me a paedo, saying that i slept with little children. I laughed it off, telling them i wasn't a paedo. But it got worse. They started telling everyone that i was a paedo, and everyone should stay away from me. I was now the centre of a joke gone too far. These 12 year old guys started comparing me to jimmy savile, and all my friends did was laugh. What was i supposed to do when the mocking didn't stop, i couldn't just laugh along with them, because they were actually offending me, i had enough of getting mocked all the time so i walked out the park, not looking back. My friends didn't even text or call me to see if i was okay. I haven't heard a word off of them since, looks like my friendship with them is over.

I know you might be thinking that i'm pathetic, but you haven't been in my shoes. It hurt being called that repetitively. Especially since people started avoiding me over it.

Now i'm just sitting in my room, lonely, with fresh cuts scattering across my right arm, and dried teardrops on my cheeks.

I've been cutting for almost 2 months because of my 'friends'. I didn't think they were the type of people who would lie, humiliate me, leave me out, and abandon me.

I know i might sound pathetic but that wasn't the whole story about my 'friends'.

What should i do now? I don't have any proper friends anymore.

-Cara

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Wed Jul 24, 2013 6:32 pm

Hi Red;

I often read posts about subjects I'm not familiar with and then wait a bit to see if I can learn something from the responses. But I've read your post a couple times and I keep coming up with questions. Maybe you could fill us in a bit more about your life.

Two months ago you had this amazing family and out of the blue started cutting your self. Then a month ago your friends started to treat you differently. And so your still cutting and something is missing here. Something has happened in your life that your not sharing. And that's OK. You can share or not share what ever you feel like. Were happy your posting. I just wanted you to know someone is listening.

tiredofsmiling
Posts: 16
Joined: Tue Jul 23, 2013 11:48 am

We are listening !

Postby tiredofsmiling » Wed Jul 24, 2013 7:58 pm

I read your post as well, and would echo Frame ! While I am much older than you, I remember all to well those days in school and how cruel people who claim to be your "frind" can be. Sometimes all it takes is one person to start a cycle of hurtfullness, that others don't feel strong enough to stand up to.

It would be easy to say cliches like.."they are just thoughtless kids"..etc.. but, you are in it now and clearly in pain, and trying to deal with it by hurting yourself more by cutting. I am concerned for YOU.. and as Frame noted, am curious what may have triggered the change in your life this past month.

May I ask..does your family know you cut?

Concerned !

RedTeardrops
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 1:27 pm
Location: Scotland

Postby RedTeardrops » Thu Jul 25, 2013 5:15 am

I know yous would be a bit confused, i didn't really word it right to be honest. What i meant was that i cut myself because of what my friends were doing to me, hurting me and being distant and secretive. It hurt alot to see the people i used to call friends pushing me out of their circle and sharing secrets between themselves. Being an outsider was horrible. I kept blaming myself for what they were doing. I got it into my head that it was all my fault and i was a useless friend and person. I brung myself down. Thank you so much for both of your comments, and i haven't told my family i've been cutting because i'm scared of what they will say:(

-Red x

tiredofsmiling
Posts: 16
Joined: Tue Jul 23, 2013 11:48 am

((Red))

Postby tiredofsmiling » Thu Jul 25, 2013 7:23 am

You are right ...feeling like you are an outsider amongst people you thought were your friends is a terrible feeling... I suspect most everyone here has felt those very same feelings ! Some, like you, cut...some, eat to dull the pain, othersbmay drink ..etc..my point being, we all try to find something to dull the real reason for the pain.

When that pain is the result of the actions of others, it makes it even more difficult, because we can't control their actions ... and tgat really is the root..it is THEIR actions! Believe me when I say, it has taken me years to realize and accept that we can't control what others do, no matter how hurtful their actions are.. and I know how painful it is when you think to yourself, "how can they do that? How can they not know, or care, that they are hurting me ?"

Please, please.. don't let cutting yourself be the answer... please try to find a way to talk to someone there.. whether it is your parents, or a counselor, some adult there...I know that is a scary thought, and you don't want your parents to know... but please know that there are people that understand and do care.

Don't let the actions of insensitive others "win"...they really arent worth it ! Please consider talking to someone !!!

RedTeardrops
Posts: 9
Joined: Mon Jul 22, 2013 1:27 pm
Location: Scotland

Postby RedTeardrops » Thu Jul 25, 2013 8:15 am

Thank you so much for your advice, i told my mum what my friends were doing and she went through the exact same thing as me when she was about 15. Teenage years are full of drama, my mum said. I'll take your advice and find someone to talk to as soon as possible.

Again, thank you for your advice, i hope it will help me out a bit.

-Red x

joy
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Aug 06, 2013 5:38 am

Postby joy » Tue Aug 06, 2013 11:49 am

That's just horrible! I am much older and have some experience of how awful people can be to each other, but this is one of the most painful things I have read. I wish I could say or do something. Being rejected by "friends" for no real reason must be devastating and they sure picked nasty way to do it. I suspect (hope for their sake) one day soon they will look back and regret it! Why are you hurting yourself for having been hurt? It seems that is what you are doing. It might feel right, but that is the wrong road, a bad way to deal with it. Your inner scar tissue is enough! I hope you reach out and get support--against the bullies and to stop hurting yourself. Feel better.

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Wed Aug 21, 2013 3:55 pm

You're more than welcome, Red, and I'm SO relieved that you talked to your mom and are going to get some help! You deserve and are entitled to be free of that crap. Please keep us updated. :)

Well said, joy! What I read about these people and her situation was both hurtful and infuriating. I'm glad you're also here to support her. :)

4EverMe
Posts: 927
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:50 am
Location: Washington State

Postby 4EverMe » Thu Aug 22, 2013 12:46 pm

Hey Red,
You're probably a bit confused to see the post where I replied, "You're more then welcome..." after you'd thanked those who responded to you and gave helpful advice. As it turns out, I got your post confused with a similar one I'd read and replied to recently!! Embarrassing! I'm really very sorry, and I am currently wearing my dunce cap. Haha!
However, I did read your story and I DO wish you the best! No one should be treated this cruely. You are entitled to courtesy, peace and respect--always. Don't punish yourself for the assinine, ignorant ways of others. You are worth SO much more than this! Don't you ever forget that. Please keep us informed on what's happening with you, as you DO have friends here who truly care.
Hang in there. Sometimes, it is the kindest of us who are unfairly persecuted. You are strong and you will rise above it!

failmenot
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Aug 27, 2013 4:08 pm

Postby failmenot » Wed Aug 28, 2013 10:05 am

Hi there - this is a bit of adult advice about making friends which might not work great for a teen but is worth a try - find something you like to do first. There'll be other people who enjoy doing it also, and then you can create a friendship based on that. Things like climbing, surfing, hiking, bicycling, skate boarding. Just some physical activity that'll get you out of the house that you can do by yourself and feel good about. You'll meet other people through it if that's what you want to do. But the most important thing is to enjoy it yourself because even if friendships fall apart, you'll still have that thing.

About people talking about you: I don't know if you've tried this or not but don't talk about anyone else behind their backs. That way, even if someone does talk about you behind your back, you won't feel bad because you'll have inner satisfaction from within yourself about your own actions. I know it sounds like a schmuck answer but seriously, if you have inner satisfaction, people can't bring you down even if they call you something ridiculous like a pedophile

I am speaking from experience here. When I was in my early 20s, I'd gossip and make fun of other people to feel good about myself and to entertain my friends. Then I got older, andiI realized talking about people didn't make me better. And it opened the door to a lot of insecurity that if someone was gossiping about someone else with me, they were probably gossiping behind my back too. So I just decided to stop talking about people. A lot of drama just evaporated.

I know in your post you don't mention gossiping yourself, and you might be a rare case who didn't gossip. But in most situations like this, the reason you feel like an outsider now might be because you were an insider before and usually that means someone else was on the outside.

InvalidName
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Aug 29, 2013 11:13 pm

Postby InvalidName » Thu Aug 29, 2013 11:37 pm

I know how you feel. About 3 years ago, my girlfriend and my best friend of five years got drunk together and ended up cheating on me. I didn't know until about a week later when my friend's cousin told me I should ask them if anything happened earlier, so I did. They both lied to me and then ended up confessing a couple days later. I was completely shocked. I used to be a hardcore cutter, and I'd like to tell you that there are better ways with dealing with problems. You said that you have a great family, so use them. A good family can be the best help for anything. I wish you the best of luck, Red.


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