Depression Understood Forums

here's my attempt at telling my story,
I am a 19 year old Male, I grew up moving from place to place because my mother was to poor to keep us anywhere for more than 2 years. my father was an alcoholic that beat my mother when i was a baby so she ran away with me. I'm weird and unsecure and hate myself. I had no friends when i was in school. I graduated early and joined the U.S. Air force as a Fire Fighter. I believed that putting on a uniform and serving my country would make people look up to me and appreciate me but No One does, The people I work with don't like me and the people i live in the barracks with don't like me. I have been with four girls since ive been here. and i have a problem with falling for them so hard, then i always get told they want to slow down and become friends or they dump me. and every time it puts me into a darker and darker place. I hate everything about myself and my Life. i have almost no friends, family, anything. i cry all the time when i'm alone just sulking in pity wishing i could have a better outlook on life. there are so many times i think to myself that ending my life would make it easier. I'f i get help i'll lose my career in the Air Force. but i want help. i want a consular. i want someone to talk to that will listen to me and care about what i say.

You had 4 girls, I think that's not bad at all. Maybe if you try to see where you went wrong, with these girls, and try to change that, things might work better in the ladies department.

I know I had my fare share of break-ups, with women, and looking back, I think they where right. I was afraid to commit for one thing.

no 4 isnt bad. but pretending to be happy and to have an attrative personality makes it pretty easy to get a military dorm whores in your bed. but i dont want that i want to have a woman that wants to be with me and i just cant do it. eventually my desires become to strong and i get needy. then they think i'm wierd and they stop talking to me.

Hi there, nineteen is not such an easy age to be. I'd like to tell you it gets better, because in fact it does. Not quickly, but it will improve. I too grew up feeling like I had few friends. At 55 I still don't have a lot of friends, but the friends I've got are damn good ones.

It sounds like you had it fairly tough growing up. I can't relate so well to that. I grew up in a very stable home with parents who both loved me. I just wish they could have loved each other as much as they did me.

As far as the ladies go, let me put it this way I'm getting divorced now but in the 10 years before I got married I don't think I saw a total of 4 women. So I can't offer much advice, but if you keep trying and asking girls out, you'll probably meet some real winners.