1969 November

[Alaska1958]

I tried yesterday to post a big blog about my life, but it didn't work out. So now I'll give it a try posting a chunk at a time.

In 1969 I turned 11 and my sister Loree turned 17. In 68 and 69 we lived in a rural area of Maine. She had two or three different boyfriends during this time and in the fall of 69 she was going out with a guy her age named Chris. Chris had a mustang and in that day a mustang was a pretty cool car to have. My folks used to insist that they take me with them as a kind of chaperone I'm sure. After all, how much trouble can you get into with your pesky 11 year old brother in the back seat? Chris liked to play the Stones on his 8 track tape player and too this day certain stones songs like "paint it Black" and "Ruby Tuesday" take me right back to that time.

Unfortunately Chris decided that he would like to start dating my sister's best friend Beverly instead of her. They had arranged earlier to go on a hayride together, but instead Chris took Beverly. Most regrettably and for reasons I don't pretend to understand, Loree decided to go on the hayride anyway. That was Saturday night. After she got home, she wrote out a long note, took one of our dad's rifles and went into the back yard.

When I got up Sunday morning everything seemed fine and I went down the street to visit my friend. As it turned out, he wasn't home and I turned around and walked back. When I went into the house I saw my dad standing at the bottom of the stairs. He told me Loree had killed herself. I didn't believe him. But walking into the dinning room, I found my mother and she confirmed the news. I remember walking into the backyard and seeing our wheelbarrow with a blanket draped over it. I could see my sister's long brown hair spilling out of the wheelbarrow.

I took one important lesson from this experience. My family is pretty stoic and really not given to showing emotion. But this hurt them. I say them because at 11 I was so self involved that, while it has effected me in the long run, at the time it really didn't feel like it did for the rest of the family. It caused those closest to Loree a lot of pain. I can remember finding my dad, years later, crying. When I asked him what was wrong, he said he was thinking about Loree.

I'm going to try and ad a poll to this post asking how many of us have had a family member commit suicide.

[Alaska1958]

Not sure what happened to the poll, but maybe it wasn't a good idea anyway. [/i]

[Frame]

I think you may be right, Alaska. I'm sure the is more to your life to tell, but the word 'stoic' seems to fit. I can't say I haven't contemplated suicide many times. I have; but I love and respect my parents.

Suicide hurts those closest the most. I remember my Mom saying more than once that there is nothing worse than loosing a child to suicide. I don't know how she knows but I believe her. So I believe my life, at least in that respect, is safe while she is still with us.

Thank you for posting. I think this is important to you and to others to read.

[Alaska1958]

That being said Frame, I just finished watching a movie from 1986 called 'Night Mother with Sissy Spacek and Ann Bancroft. I've watched it before and consider it to be extremely well written and acted. I recommend it, but be forwarned that it portrays suicide in a positive light. It's on Netflix.

I'm NOT trying to give anyone any ideas here. But if you live years of your life as a depresive you will appreciate the mindset of sissy Spacek's character.

[nenkohai]

Thoughts are with you, Alaska.