Depression Understood Forums

I am feeling desperate and in need of someone who understands. I can't continue to live like this where I am simply an empty body - walking around with nothing inside of me.
There is no way to make anything better or no way to escape any of it.. I am desperate to just be relieved of this lack of feeling or feeling too much.

The problems add up so high that it just feels like nothing can solve it.
People always say things about rape victims like "survivor" but that's not it- I am not a survivor.. I am a victim in all sense of the word. I hate my body. I hate the thought of anyone touching me. I hate the thought of love or marriage or any of it. I do not deserve it. I do not deserve to be given any of it.

I live inside a home with no one who understands and no one who helps - who are so selfish and inflict their own god damn misery and hatefulness on everyone who comes in contact.
how do I survive that? how do I live in this house with these people and not want to escape it all? How do i tell them about the things that have happened to me? How?
I am tired of trying to breathe life into this nightmare.
I feel so, so very alone. More than any part. And feel terrible constantly - like this is my last ditch effort to make anyone understand.

Hi whiteoleander;

This is a good place to say the things you want to say without fear of reprisal. It's good that you have posted. People are listening.

I know only you can measure your suffering, and if you don't want anyone to be close, we'll respect that. But most of us here understand about feeling lonely and not understood. If somehow we can help, please tell us how