My story

Shared experiences of life, and the path that has led you to where you are.

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blackjewelwolf
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu May 16, 2013 2:54 pm
Location: England

My story

Postby blackjewelwolf » Thu May 16, 2013 3:20 pm

My uncle has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. He would get really drunk, get arrested and then we would have to look after him. I loved him so much and we thought he was getting better for real this time so we stuck by him. After six months of us looking after him we were called in by the police and hospital to find out that he was drunk, high on heroin and in possession of weapons. I gave up on him then.

After that everything at school started falling apart. I used to be a model students, at the front during assemblies receiving awards. Now I can't seem to do anything right and have flunked several exams. I'm stuck in remedial classes now but I know it won't work.

One day I was in the LIZ (Learning Improvement Zone) when I broke down. I started crying hysterically and couldn't breath. I talked to an inclusion mentor about everything, the self-harm, my uncle and my nightmares. They called home and I was expecting to get help from mum. Instead she yelled at me and called me a stupid attention seeker.

So, since then I haven't talked to anyone about the way I feel. I often start crying during lessons and get sent to the LIZ but I refuse to talk. I don't eat anymore either because I've got no appetite. I hate my mum for not supporting me and sometimes wish she just didn't have me if she is that useless a parent.

Thank you for listening.

saragupta
Posts: 140
Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:54 am
Location: India

Postby saragupta » Thu Aug 01, 2013 9:21 am

Hi blackjewelwolf,
I am from India. Have joined this website a few days ago only.
I am really sorry for ur uncle. And it sounds like u have really tried ur level best to bring him back to normal track of life...but I really wish, life cud have been that easy to amend.
But it's not. Ryt.
Please don't feel lonely, first of all. This is a nice forum where ppl try to help u deal with the hard phase of life.Okay.

After reading ur post, i think, the way u have been dealing with ur life is understandable! Really, i mean it. But on the other hand,
U know, Wat my heart said to me after reading ur story!
It said, A person who was so bright in academics, used to take care of his/her uncle with such hearty responsibility (specially when many teenagers choose to be busy these days with drugs, funky wanna be boys, and for them "'studying and responsibilities' is like...what the hell is that" ) is ruining its life.

Why?

I can very well understand that ur uncle (pls don't mind) has failed u...after all wat u did for him and expected from him. He failed u. I AM understanding how u myt have felt while, watching the person u loved so much, failing u and doing so much reckless things.

But pleeeese don't fail urself. It was You who made it to deserve trophies and excel in academics. It was YOU...no one was doing favours to u by giving u excellent marks or prizes. It was all ur efforts that made u a deserving candidate.

I know everything that happened around you, has engulfed you and has drenched u with glue like frustration. But a sincere loving and so hard working person should not curse himself like this.

I mean, it seems as if u r punishing urself, for what ur uncle did with his own life!! U have been soooo hard on urself all this time, as if you were responsible for his condition. U tell me, is it rational?????
You have been feeling bad because ur dear uncle dint stay well and dint carried his life as beautifully as u wanted him to.
But just think about it in the same way about urself. Aren't u doing the same thing with ur own life????

And about ur mom, I won't say that she is RIGHT with her angry behaviour. I know that we teenagers alwz try to find a perfect friend in our mothers...and when we don't get their warmth in our most vulnerable phase, it gets really pathetic!

But just for a minute, Just try to keep urself in the place of ur uncle and keep ur mum in ur place!
Now see the whole picture and try to realize why ur mom is getting so much upset with u.
Just the way doctors called ur family for ur uncle...in the same way ur mom was called by ur teachers for ur deteriorating performance. Trust me my friend, ur mom's angery behaviour towards u is not just Anger. She is scared deep inside because she doesn't want to see YOU ending up like ur uncle.
Ryt now don't focus upon her. Just take very good care of urself. And things WILL ABSOLUTELY get better between u and ur mom and at ur school too. Trust me.

I know u can't get over with ur depression and frustration over a night. But u can try to get back to where u were once! Where u were proud of ur existence! You can do this. U have that potential within u!
After all, if u can try to make other's life better, why can't u try to make ur own life better too.

It has been such a long time since u posted ur story. And no one has replied since then, i guess. So, i am worried a little, if u will ever come on this site again to read my reply.
Plz reply so that we cud help each other.
Oki.
Trying hard for almost everything!

Frame
Moderator
Posts: 1081
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:25 am
Location: Pennsylvania

Postby Frame » Thu Aug 01, 2013 10:05 am

Two and a half months is a long time to be waiting for a reply blackjewelwolf;

I'm sorry it took this long and Thank you Sara for finding jewel.

I think it's important to try to be gentle with yourself and not feel like your wasting time. Over the time I've been posting here (little more than a month) I've come to realize that, although chronic depression is a pathology and symptom of deeper troubles, depression itself is a survival response and perhaps a time for healing.

I do believe that during the time we spend in a fog, or with a blank mind, or unable to shake our desperation; that our minds are still working subliminally to create meaning. It is important that we take care of our bodies and give our unconscious minds the resources it needs. This is not a mystical view. There is science behind it.

I also believe that even during times when nothing is going right and sometimes feels like nothing is going at all, that we are still living and gathering experience we will be able to draw from to live stronger lives in the future.
Winston Churchill was a pig headed war-mongering fight-loving Statesman who believed in negotiating as far as you could lob a bomb even though he practiced his speeches (every noun, verb, period and pause) for about an hour per sentence.

He was also a chronic depressive painter (hmm, I wonder what Van Gogh might have done as Prime Minister) who was out of sync with his time so they ignored him. Then he was in perfect sync with his time so they made him Admiral and Prime Minister. Then he was out of sync again and they left him behind.

He struggled with all of this and in the process helped win back the free world from eminent darkness.

I like his remark; “ Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”

saragupta
Posts: 140
Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:54 am
Location: India

Postby saragupta » Fri Aug 02, 2013 5:59 am

Hey hi frame,
your welcome!
I have read a few posts after i joined this site. I joined it a few days ago.

I don't like it wen i share something sad or depressing stuff with someone and then wen they reply by just saying "ya i understand, i ve been there" OR "yeah Ryt, it happens sometimes"
I mean in depression ur hunger for answers and solution increases more and more. At least try to suggest some solutions and i know everyone can't develop a solution to other's problems but then at least show ur warmth!

But frame, i ve seen u at many ppl's stories, u have always been trying to help others. This shld be the motive to join this site. Give help and find help.
So thanks to u too frame!
Trying hard for almost everything!

saragupta
Posts: 140
Joined: Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:54 am
Location: India

Postby saragupta » Fri Aug 02, 2013 6:02 am

And i still want jewel to see and understand our replies. I really don't want jewel to ruin her life like this. She sounded so simple and hard working type of responsible person. I wish she reply our msgs as soon as possible.
Trying hard for almost everything!

Numerology12
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Aug 05, 2013 2:17 pm

Numerology for Depression and other Mental disorders.

Postby Numerology12 » Mon Aug 05, 2013 2:47 pm

I am a Numerology researcher. I have treated people of depression using Numerology. Its the process of changing ones name/name spellings. One has to write the name 30-40 times daily in a notebook. From 30 to 100 days, depressions or other disorders see considerable improvements.

This has been discovered after extensive research that our name as a co relation with our date of birth. If its not harmonious it gives all kind of problems.

Numerology is the answer to this harmony.

People interested to join and follow the procedure are welcome
(This project is being carried out under sheer compassion and to end the sufferings of people, and in no way money is or ever be involved for the same)

Alaska1958
Posts: 178
Joined: Sat Jul 06, 2013 11:23 pm

Postby Alaska1958 » Mon Aug 05, 2013 4:39 pm

It won't hurt to give you the benefit of the doubt Numerology 12. You may actually believe what you are saying, but you must admit that it sounds ridiculous. That our name combined with our date of birth actually has any particular effect on our health, mental or physical.

The only instance of this that I have come across is illustrated in the old song by Johnny Cash. "My name is Sue". Good song.


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