My story

[Justgettingitout]

I am a 22 year old male who just wants his energy back. When i was younger i was extremely outgoing and pleasant to be around. I could always enjoy myself even if there was nothing to do. I can't remember when it was i changed but i feel lifeless, tired and bored and have for at least 5 years.

In high school i was never picked on and had good grades and good friends, though if they didn't come knocking i was undoubtedly lying in bed. For reasons i can no longer remember i dropped out. After quitting many part time jobs i decided to join the military. I hated every second of it and spent every minute i had off lying in bed watching cartoons and movies online. Still I somehow lasted 2 years before quitting that as well. Since then i have jumped between unemployment and part time work all while keeping my routine of lying in bed during the week and drinking until i black out during the weekends. Somewhere along the way i became a chain smoker as well. This lifestyle has not affected my weight or health yet surprisingly.

I feel as though i have no emotions now besides bottled up anger. I can't remember the last time i genuinely laughed or smiled.

Since the start of 2013 i have had a good friend and cousin commit suicide. I haven't really had any thoughts about suicide but 20-60 more years sounds a bit to long of a life for me. My worry is that my thoughts now were perhaps some of their last themselves.

I'm to embarrassed to talk to friends or my doctor about this growing concern and have brought my parents enough disappointment already.

To be honest i feel like i had potential to have a great and happy life, but somehow managed to bury it in concrete without the energy to dig it back up.

I'm not even sure if i'm depressed because i'm so use to this feeling that i cant remember if the feeling itself is sadness or just lack of ambition.

[jj]

hey, justgettingitout.

what do you think your bottled up anger is about? who is it directed at, yourself, or others?

even though you are embarrassed right now i think trying to reach out to someone in your real life could be a big help, and if we dont try we wont know. coming here too is a step in the right direction. but your life is a beautiful thing, and it can get better and be so much more, but yeah this depression/thing youre going through might need addressing before those changes start to happen.

im no doc so cant say if youre depressed or not, but from your post yeah i can see youre unhappy, and have some things it looks like you could address.

is there anything that you do enjoy doing, or used to enjoy doing?

jj

[Justgettingitout]

Thanks. The reply makes me feel like talking about it may be a bit easier then i'm thinking it is.

I use to love fishing but i haven't done it in ages. Maybe i'll give that a whirl again and see if things start falling back together.