so...I'm depressed

[bananaondrugs]

I'm 17 almost 18 and I'm pretty sure I've been depressed for at least 3 years. A little bit of a social anxiety and according to internet tests some serious seasonal bipolar stuff. Anyway at some point I just started to suck at a lot of stuff(mostly socialising, sports and stuff /am actually a straight A student otherwise/). Didn't pick up any hobbies and thanks to that I started hating myself. And because I hated myself I became depressed. And since I was depressed I lost all of my energy and completely dropped even the stuff I had going for me. And so I started sucking even more.

Can't hold a normal conversation with people let alone a girl. And speaking of girls the only girl I've actually liked in a while is 3 years younger than me. And me being kind of a socially useless makes me think I shouldn't aproach her. Hell I don't even deserve to talk to her according to myself. Sometimes I even go as far as punishing myself(not suicidal/mutilation kind of thing just some pain to...get some pressure off of me).

Now obviously I'm some kind of sheltered thingy that should be happy he has all kinds of stuff and awesome people and everything...which makes me even ashamed to be depressed...fueling it even further.

Don't really know what I'm doing here - don't see how anything can help me get rid of a depression that I myself realise is quite stupid for someone in my position(having pretty much anything I could want as long as I just ask for it). Just...putting it out there.

[The Other Side]

Banana,

I totally understand why you feel ashamed; I've been in much the same situation for quite some time now. Everything should be perfect, but there's that feeling that keeps coming back with a bigger and bigger bite. The fact that you've made the decision to "put it out there" like this is a big deal, and you should be proud of that.

It is easy to feel like there is no escape from these feelings. It is so much easier to give up and choose not to pull through, but if you take things one step at a time, you can find a way to keep going. It's not easy, but no one ever said depression is.

Never be ashamed of the way you feel. It is a part of you, and you should acknowledge it. Depression is a real condition that affects both people with good lives and bad.