So Here I Am
Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 8:49 am
Hi, All.
I find myself here today for many reasons. I just graduated high school last year, and I'm currently in my second semester of college. In high school, I had mood swings. At times they were bearable, and at others they sent me spiraling into a world of anxiety and self-loathing that caused me to do a lot of extremely stupid things to myself. I'll keep the graphic details of all that to myself for now.
Back then, I had a support system. I had people whom I saw very regularly who had no trouble helping me through the occasional breakdown. Although I dealt with them on my own much more frequently, I was comfortable knowing that I had someone to talk to. It was also comforting to think that this was all just high school emotion that would go away once I graduated and moved on with my life.
Obviously, given the fact that I'm here, it wasn't just a phase. Now that I'm in college, I find myself still having these breakdowns, with a support system that is spotty at best. I feel that I've exhausted these peoples' will to help me, and I know it isn't fair for me to distract from busy lives to talk about the most recent stupidity I've put myself through.
On the outside, I look wonderful. Everyone thinks I'm some sort of genius, and maybe I am. I have a wonderful girlfriend and a loving family, and (hopefully) a bright future as a doctor. I just can't appreciate all that for what it is, especially when I'm in one of these moods.
So, here I am.
Will I keep posting on here? I don't know. I have a tendency to ignore that there ever was a problem once I get out of these moods, so I can't say for sure that I'll ever even come back to this website. I am here now, though, to acknowledge that something is very wrong.
I find myself here today for many reasons. I just graduated high school last year, and I'm currently in my second semester of college. In high school, I had mood swings. At times they were bearable, and at others they sent me spiraling into a world of anxiety and self-loathing that caused me to do a lot of extremely stupid things to myself. I'll keep the graphic details of all that to myself for now.
Back then, I had a support system. I had people whom I saw very regularly who had no trouble helping me through the occasional breakdown. Although I dealt with them on my own much more frequently, I was comfortable knowing that I had someone to talk to. It was also comforting to think that this was all just high school emotion that would go away once I graduated and moved on with my life.
Obviously, given the fact that I'm here, it wasn't just a phase. Now that I'm in college, I find myself still having these breakdowns, with a support system that is spotty at best. I feel that I've exhausted these peoples' will to help me, and I know it isn't fair for me to distract from busy lives to talk about the most recent stupidity I've put myself through.
On the outside, I look wonderful. Everyone thinks I'm some sort of genius, and maybe I am. I have a wonderful girlfriend and a loving family, and (hopefully) a bright future as a doctor. I just can't appreciate all that for what it is, especially when I'm in one of these moods.
So, here I am.
Will I keep posting on here? I don't know. I have a tendency to ignore that there ever was a problem once I get out of these moods, so I can't say for sure that I'll ever even come back to this website. I am here now, though, to acknowledge that something is very wrong.