ECT, head injuries - Am I worrying too much?
Posted: Wed Nov 07, 2012 9:20 am
Hi everyone,
Desperation has driven me to seek refuge in the anonymity of the internet and while searching for a local community for support, chance brought me to depression-understood.
I am in a terrible mental state at the moment, having discovered some information that is very upsetting to me. I am sharing my story here, and hopefully, kind forumers are able to provide me with some advice or share their personal experiences and knowledge regarding the matter.
In 2005, I started to develop symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and was depressed. I remembered cleansing myself and my belongings with disinfectant, partaking in cleansing rituals day and night. I was in a vulnerable emotional state, having started my first year in university and juggling part-time work. My family was alarmed, and did not know how to handle me or deal with the situation.
Shortly, I was sent to hospital. I do not know how I got there, how it was arranged, who visited me or how I was treated. To this date, I have no recollection of what transpired during my hospitalisation. I asked everyone - the psychiatrist, my family, friends - but none was willing or able to volunteer any information. My family is of the firm belief that the lesser I know, the lesser the pain. Subsequently, my mum passed on, my sister and brother lost contact with us (though I am in contact with my sister at the moment), and my father claimed that he was unable to recall what happened as well.
It has been approximately 7 years and I have never stopped searching for answers. I was adamant to find out what treatments/procedures had been performed on me when I was hospitalised for I knew that my amnesia was abnormal. When I returned to school, I was unable to learn and retain information as easily and performed badly in my papers and in dance (was unable to remember my steps). In total, I took leave of absence for 3 semesters whenever I have a relapse of OCD/depression.
Recently, I managed to get hold of the hospital bills and confirmed my suspicion - I was subjected to 6 sessions of inpatient individual ECT (electro-convulsive treatment) every alternate day when I was warded. I am unsure if I received any more treatments (e.g. outpatient) after the period though for I would not be able to remember.
I did asked my family and psychiatrist if I had received some treatments in hospital and they denied it whenever I asked. I have researched on this topic for years as this was my suspicion and fear. Critics of such treatments and literature online highlight the complications of such electric-shock therapy, alerting the dangers of cognitive and memory impairement characteristic of a brain damage.
After I learned of this news yesterday, I was distraught and have been crying uncontrollably for I was unable to come to terms with the fact that I was given ECT. I understand that ECT was never meant to be a first-line treatment and is only administered as a last resort, e.g. if the patient does not respond well to medication or other forms of therapy. In my case, ECT was administered immediately the next day after I was admitted (which means that I was not put on medication and monitored for a period of time. I have not seen the psychiatrist nor was I on medication before 2005).
I am extremely worried. In 2009, I was assaulted by a robber (hit several times in the head by a weapon) and suffered head injuries. I fear that compounded with the negative effects of ECT as well as my head injuries in 2009, my brain could be permanently affected.
I am also angry. I am angry that such treatment was prescribed immediately when I was warded and that my consent was not sought. I believe such treatments require the consent of the patient, but there is a possibility that my family member have consented on my behalf, for I do not think I would voluntarily subject myself to such a treatment.
I am not sure if my family members were provided with sufficient information on the dangers of ECT to decide for me. I know I probably should not feel this way, but I am also angry that my family allowed this to happen. They may not have considered the potential repercussions of such treatments carefully and may have in the process, ruined my life.
I feel impaired, helpless and dysfunctional at the moment. I am not sure how to go about verifying if there are indeed, any permanent effects on brain function arising from the ECT and head injuries. I fear that the fact that I was unable to remember anything about my hospitalisation and the inability to learn and retain information for months after are signs of brain damage. I do not know for sure, if the brain has managed to re-wire itself and recover completely. The articles written against ECT which I found online have scared me considerably.
The brain is our master of control, and everything, be it intelligence, memory, coordination, skills, etc, are all dependent on the brain. I am unable to gauge for myself, whether I am the same person as before or performing at my optimal. Memory issues do exist but I am not sure if it is completely attributable to the ECT and head injuries, or other factors.
I fear that I would as a result, lose all the confidence and my sanity. My emotional state (I was down for the past month as I was dwelling on the assault case prior to discovering this additional information) is at its pits. I still want to lead a normal life and have a career and be able to dance and enjoy the little things in life, but I feel limited in my abilities to do so as I fear I may be truly be impaired.
By the way, I have since weaned off all psychiatric medication earlier this year (I was also previously prescribed medication that provided me with side effects of seizures).
I would most certainly be grateful if anyone out there is able to share with me their experiences with ECT or provide their opinions regarding this matter. Please let me know if I am scaring myself or am thinking too much. I thank all in advance.
Desperation has driven me to seek refuge in the anonymity of the internet and while searching for a local community for support, chance brought me to depression-understood.
I am in a terrible mental state at the moment, having discovered some information that is very upsetting to me. I am sharing my story here, and hopefully, kind forumers are able to provide me with some advice or share their personal experiences and knowledge regarding the matter.
In 2005, I started to develop symptoms of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and was depressed. I remembered cleansing myself and my belongings with disinfectant, partaking in cleansing rituals day and night. I was in a vulnerable emotional state, having started my first year in university and juggling part-time work. My family was alarmed, and did not know how to handle me or deal with the situation.
Shortly, I was sent to hospital. I do not know how I got there, how it was arranged, who visited me or how I was treated. To this date, I have no recollection of what transpired during my hospitalisation. I asked everyone - the psychiatrist, my family, friends - but none was willing or able to volunteer any information. My family is of the firm belief that the lesser I know, the lesser the pain. Subsequently, my mum passed on, my sister and brother lost contact with us (though I am in contact with my sister at the moment), and my father claimed that he was unable to recall what happened as well.
It has been approximately 7 years and I have never stopped searching for answers. I was adamant to find out what treatments/procedures had been performed on me when I was hospitalised for I knew that my amnesia was abnormal. When I returned to school, I was unable to learn and retain information as easily and performed badly in my papers and in dance (was unable to remember my steps). In total, I took leave of absence for 3 semesters whenever I have a relapse of OCD/depression.
Recently, I managed to get hold of the hospital bills and confirmed my suspicion - I was subjected to 6 sessions of inpatient individual ECT (electro-convulsive treatment) every alternate day when I was warded. I am unsure if I received any more treatments (e.g. outpatient) after the period though for I would not be able to remember.
I did asked my family and psychiatrist if I had received some treatments in hospital and they denied it whenever I asked. I have researched on this topic for years as this was my suspicion and fear. Critics of such treatments and literature online highlight the complications of such electric-shock therapy, alerting the dangers of cognitive and memory impairement characteristic of a brain damage.
After I learned of this news yesterday, I was distraught and have been crying uncontrollably for I was unable to come to terms with the fact that I was given ECT. I understand that ECT was never meant to be a first-line treatment and is only administered as a last resort, e.g. if the patient does not respond well to medication or other forms of therapy. In my case, ECT was administered immediately the next day after I was admitted (which means that I was not put on medication and monitored for a period of time. I have not seen the psychiatrist nor was I on medication before 2005).
I am extremely worried. In 2009, I was assaulted by a robber (hit several times in the head by a weapon) and suffered head injuries. I fear that compounded with the negative effects of ECT as well as my head injuries in 2009, my brain could be permanently affected.
I am also angry. I am angry that such treatment was prescribed immediately when I was warded and that my consent was not sought. I believe such treatments require the consent of the patient, but there is a possibility that my family member have consented on my behalf, for I do not think I would voluntarily subject myself to such a treatment.
I am not sure if my family members were provided with sufficient information on the dangers of ECT to decide for me. I know I probably should not feel this way, but I am also angry that my family allowed this to happen. They may not have considered the potential repercussions of such treatments carefully and may have in the process, ruined my life.
I feel impaired, helpless and dysfunctional at the moment. I am not sure how to go about verifying if there are indeed, any permanent effects on brain function arising from the ECT and head injuries. I fear that the fact that I was unable to remember anything about my hospitalisation and the inability to learn and retain information for months after are signs of brain damage. I do not know for sure, if the brain has managed to re-wire itself and recover completely. The articles written against ECT which I found online have scared me considerably.
The brain is our master of control, and everything, be it intelligence, memory, coordination, skills, etc, are all dependent on the brain. I am unable to gauge for myself, whether I am the same person as before or performing at my optimal. Memory issues do exist but I am not sure if it is completely attributable to the ECT and head injuries, or other factors.
I fear that I would as a result, lose all the confidence and my sanity. My emotional state (I was down for the past month as I was dwelling on the assault case prior to discovering this additional information) is at its pits. I still want to lead a normal life and have a career and be able to dance and enjoy the little things in life, but I feel limited in my abilities to do so as I fear I may be truly be impaired.
By the way, I have since weaned off all psychiatric medication earlier this year (I was also previously prescribed medication that provided me with side effects of seizures).
I would most certainly be grateful if anyone out there is able to share with me their experiences with ECT or provide their opinions regarding this matter. Please let me know if I am scaring myself or am thinking too much. I thank all in advance.