I Like To Cry

[IliketoCry]

First off, Helloo To Everyone, Thank You so much for taking the time to read this.


I am a 25 year old woman from New York. I have been a diabetic for 16 years now, I also have a thyroid enlargement which I don't take medication for. I try to look pretty, to feel better, but I cannot hold back the tears. Crying makes me feel better, and lightheaded? The first time I experienced sadness was at the age of 14 when I remember standing in a mall crying myself out for no apparent reason(except that i felt ugly). Since I have been going through all types of depression experiences. At first I would cry because I realized my dad, who I had heard wonders of, whats good for nothing, he never spend anytime with me, never gave me anything emotionally or financially (although he had the means to).

As I was in my pre-teenage and teenage years I got really close to my mother, I felt her as a support in my life(also I was in hers), and I felt like I was actually getting better, I was getting the hang of depression and was starting to recover from it. I started to focus on school and learning and it really did help. But this would last several months, my arguments with mother grew increasingly worse, and she got tired of helping or dealing with me. Heck, Im tired of me. Through all this I have to say besides my ball and chain sadness where I cry and cry, have felt anxious and depressed, I didn't yell or express any bad emotion towards my mom. She however did to me, then apologize, but eventually I would start saying things like "stop mom". I think many times I hurt because she would say that she cannot wait to leave, she says that she spend her time with me, not that I spend mine with her, that she regrets the time she spend with me because I judge her(I don't judge her I just don't agree with the decisions she makes) and that she can do whatever she wants in her life because at her age it doesn't matter anymore what happens(she's in her 50's). When I became an adult, my mother began to change and for the past year she has been wanting to create her own life, and live her own life she says. I don't agree with her decisions and so she has left. Now I am completely alone, I have felt so dependent on my mother and parasitic. I have always spend time with my mom and HER friends. I cannot stop crying, we have not spoken since she left 4 days ago. Since she left I have lost weight and I been feeling sick. I wan't to learn to live without my mother, I want to be okay, people chose not to be near someone and I understand that, but how do I let go?

BTW I live with my 18 year old brother who is starting university, unlike me he is very mature, emotionally stable and independent.

[Al]

lol no you are not unreasonable. But then neither is your mum. You have lost your support system and it has changed the structure of your life, that is hard to deal with and it is also understandable that she needs some space. As a parent myself i can tell you we are not given the patience of a saint in ante-natal classes
Perhaps you could look at it as an opportunity to start afresh, a new way of life. Being more independent may help you feel empowered in other areas of your life and have a snowball effect.
New start, new you. Stranger things have happened The future is full of possibilities if we just have the courage to see them.