New here... new story.
Posted: Thu Sep 13, 2012 8:00 pm
I'm unsure of what to expect as I haven't been on a forum like this before, however it's half past midnight I can't sleep as usual so I thought.. why not try... so here goes...
My story starts 15 years ago, just after I gained some very mediocre GCSE's. I didn't care though as all I've ever wanted was a job, any job that I could live on with some comfort, a wife and children.. the dream I guess. I found myself a job in a factory, I liked it and the people were great, a few years later I found a second job.. I joind the retained fire brigade.. me? a fireman? I never thought it possible, everything was going better than I could have ever hoped. I believe I truely was happy then. . Around a year later I met a girl, a beautiful girl, we bought a house, we got married, I even left my job as a firefighter so we could move. My life at that point was all that I could have ever hoped it would be. A dream turned into reality... unfortunately it wasn't meant to last. 10 months after we were married she left for the guy she should have been with to start with, she loved him not me. So the house was sold and I don't think I've ever been quite the same since. I have a new home now but something is different, I was hoping the feelings of failure and contempt for myself would eventually fade... they didn't and haven't. I live alone and have done for five years since. Six weeks ago I lost my job and soon i've no doubt I will lose this house. I used to be confident, outgoing and I was able to do anything without fear. Now.... I get nervous at the prospect of a job interview, of speaking to a girl. I feel wretched all time and nothing of the me that was remains today. I am ashamed to admit that I have considered suicide, I know how I am going to do it and one day I think I will. I can't bear to lose my home again, it's all I have left and feeling how I do, I know not if I would recover from that. I feel so terribly lost and I can't find any joy or happiness in anything.
So that's me, at now 1 o'clock in the morning. Sorry it was such a long story.
My story starts 15 years ago, just after I gained some very mediocre GCSE's. I didn't care though as all I've ever wanted was a job, any job that I could live on with some comfort, a wife and children.. the dream I guess. I found myself a job in a factory, I liked it and the people were great, a few years later I found a second job.. I joind the retained fire brigade.. me? a fireman? I never thought it possible, everything was going better than I could have ever hoped. I believe I truely was happy then. . Around a year later I met a girl, a beautiful girl, we bought a house, we got married, I even left my job as a firefighter so we could move. My life at that point was all that I could have ever hoped it would be. A dream turned into reality... unfortunately it wasn't meant to last. 10 months after we were married she left for the guy she should have been with to start with, she loved him not me. So the house was sold and I don't think I've ever been quite the same since. I have a new home now but something is different, I was hoping the feelings of failure and contempt for myself would eventually fade... they didn't and haven't. I live alone and have done for five years since. Six weeks ago I lost my job and soon i've no doubt I will lose this house. I used to be confident, outgoing and I was able to do anything without fear. Now.... I get nervous at the prospect of a job interview, of speaking to a girl. I feel wretched all time and nothing of the me that was remains today. I am ashamed to admit that I have considered suicide, I know how I am going to do it and one day I think I will. I can't bear to lose my home again, it's all I have left and feeling how I do, I know not if I would recover from that. I feel so terribly lost and I can't find any joy or happiness in anything.
So that's me, at now 1 o'clock in the morning. Sorry it was such a long story.