School of terror
Posted: Sat Mar 22, 2008 11:32 am
Hey!
I'll now try to tell you which circumstances made me be the person I am. But I warn you, some elements are quite shocking, especially some thougts of me and a comrade ... homicidal and suicidal.
A key element in all this is, as the title already says, school. Elementary school wasn't a real problem, but when I joined highschhol, life became miserable.
From the beginning on it was me who the other students picked on. Punched me, kicked me, stole my stuff. They ridiculed me. It was my haircut, my clothes, my behaviour in general. I'm not sure what I made wrong, but for some reason I was an outcast for years.
I was a loner, tried to live with this, but school was hell for me anyway. I needed seven years to get used to be alone. Seven years to learn how to be a loner.
I found one real friend, who had the same problems that I had. His life was made miserable by bullying. We used to spend our time at school together, discussing ‘bout our common interests. And we became really good friends. There was a third one, a friend of my comrade. He was okay, but for some reason I never trusted him really.
Okay, the following part might be the worst ... did I mention murderous thougts? Okay, it's all past and not to be realised anytime, but still ... a kind of a badge of shame.
I don't know, how we found out that we were thinking the same stuff, but somehow we did. My comrade and me began planning to shoot up the students and teachers who made our life hell. We learned to make bombs, we got weapons, we learned to use them. We were armed and ready. But we didn't do it.
One month before the operation was supposed to start, I decided to stop it. I didn't want to die or go to prison because of this ... so I talked with my comrade, and in the end we terminated the plans and preparations.
These plans kept me alive for several months, without 'em I had just shot myself in the head or something ... but in the end I could live without 'em. But unfortunately, my comrade couldn't.
Some students found out about our ... "special interests" and informed the schools principal, who then called the police. Two officers interviewed my comrade, but he managed to escape. On his way home, he jumped in front of a train and died from the injuries. After this, I was arrested an send to psychiatry.
Our weapons were confiscated, and after a time the psychiatrist let me leave.
I joined another highschool after these happenings, to get away from my past. In addition, I weekly meet a therapist.
So, that’s my story. Depression caused by school, solved by getting used to my role, and awakened again by losing my only comrade. This past made me be full of hatred towards mankind, and towards my former classmates and teachers in special. I became egoistic, misanthrophic, and I lost my emotions.
And day per day I’m asking myself ... what made my environment do all this to me?!
I survived all this, and I don't think that I'll blow my head off 'cause off all this, but anyway it's kind of hard to live with it. Dunno if anyone is really interested, but for me it's helpful just to write it down ...
CyCoLoner
I'll now try to tell you which circumstances made me be the person I am. But I warn you, some elements are quite shocking, especially some thougts of me and a comrade ... homicidal and suicidal.
A key element in all this is, as the title already says, school. Elementary school wasn't a real problem, but when I joined highschhol, life became miserable.
From the beginning on it was me who the other students picked on. Punched me, kicked me, stole my stuff. They ridiculed me. It was my haircut, my clothes, my behaviour in general. I'm not sure what I made wrong, but for some reason I was an outcast for years.
I was a loner, tried to live with this, but school was hell for me anyway. I needed seven years to get used to be alone. Seven years to learn how to be a loner.
I found one real friend, who had the same problems that I had. His life was made miserable by bullying. We used to spend our time at school together, discussing ‘bout our common interests. And we became really good friends. There was a third one, a friend of my comrade. He was okay, but for some reason I never trusted him really.
Okay, the following part might be the worst ... did I mention murderous thougts? Okay, it's all past and not to be realised anytime, but still ... a kind of a badge of shame.
I don't know, how we found out that we were thinking the same stuff, but somehow we did. My comrade and me began planning to shoot up the students and teachers who made our life hell. We learned to make bombs, we got weapons, we learned to use them. We were armed and ready. But we didn't do it.
One month before the operation was supposed to start, I decided to stop it. I didn't want to die or go to prison because of this ... so I talked with my comrade, and in the end we terminated the plans and preparations.
These plans kept me alive for several months, without 'em I had just shot myself in the head or something ... but in the end I could live without 'em. But unfortunately, my comrade couldn't.
Some students found out about our ... "special interests" and informed the schools principal, who then called the police. Two officers interviewed my comrade, but he managed to escape. On his way home, he jumped in front of a train and died from the injuries. After this, I was arrested an send to psychiatry.
Our weapons were confiscated, and after a time the psychiatrist let me leave.
I joined another highschool after these happenings, to get away from my past. In addition, I weekly meet a therapist.
So, that’s my story. Depression caused by school, solved by getting used to my role, and awakened again by losing my only comrade. This past made me be full of hatred towards mankind, and towards my former classmates and teachers in special. I became egoistic, misanthrophic, and I lost my emotions.
And day per day I’m asking myself ... what made my environment do all this to me?!
I survived all this, and I don't think that I'll blow my head off 'cause off all this, but anyway it's kind of hard to live with it. Dunno if anyone is really interested, but for me it's helpful just to write it down ...
CyCoLoner
