my story, in a general nutshell

[Chriss81]

my childhood as far back as i can remember has been filled with abuse and domestic violence... mom and dad always fighting, cops always getting called, dad hitting me with anything from wire coat hangers, extention cords, brooms.. u know. he was a drunk for many years... then after my mom left him and i started getting into my adolesence i realized she's the same way, she remarried and it was the same stuff all over again. she even ended up beating the crap out of me one night and i ended up in a foster home over it for almost a year... not to mention at one point (when i was about 12 yrs old) my uncle told me and my sisters he was gonna take us to the county fair but instead took us to his house and tried to trick us into engaging in sexual activity with him... when it didnt work he threatened us with a butcher knife. luckily he "realized what he was doing" and handed the knife over to me and our youngest sister had went next door to call the cops. so nothing happened but we still went to court and he got 3 years for exposing himself to us, and almost our entire extended family wouldnt talk to us. my grandpa even testified that i was a little liar. then my aunts husband tried the same stuff with my middle sister and then there was drama after that... finally when i was 17 i got tired of my stepdad and mom fighting all the time and went back to my dad-he had sobered up, but even still to this day thinks his pool tournaments are more important than his kids and family... so i floated around some more with my mom and stepdad, up untill about 8 years ago when i finally found a job that could actually get somewhere and now i take care of myself just fine and depend on no one and dont have to put up with any of that drama anymore... but my job has lead me basically alone in houston while my close friends and family all live more than 200 miles away...
i know my past has affected me from early on... my mom told me i used to ball up in a corner and say i didnt want to live anymore... i was to young to remeber that. i can remember breaking a pickle jar on the floor cuz i was mad at my dad, and breaking a window with my wrists-at age 7... idk how my sisters arent the same way as me, i guess we all have our different ways of dealing with our emotions. i just feel like i have no control over my emotions, i dont know how to express my feelings without getting defensive or angry. i feel like no one understands me

[chanman20]

im sorry lately i feel like i have no control over my emotions as well to the point i just break down and cry so i know how you feel there. Its good you got a nice job tho try and go out to a bar or something with some of the other workers or something that might help some