Depression Understood Forums

My story is noting compared so so so many people's out there but it's something I need to share,
Earlier this year my boyfriend lost his dog, dosnt sound like much but it was hard for him... Then a few weeks later I lost my horse, he was my baby.. My everything, I spent more time with him than anyone. The thing was I had just got back from a holiday then spent two happy weeks with him, then I went away for 9 days to come home to him with a really sore leg, I'd bandaged it and he seemed himself. His cheeky happy self. Later that day he way lying down and wouldn't get up.. The vets didn't know what was wrong. The next day he went down to the surgeons and they ran tests and ultra sounds and that when everything started, he had surgery that day. I watched it , I watched my beautiful horse lying on the operation table, his leg being prodded and cleaned out. After the surgery they use a chain which goes around the horses legs and pulls them up to move them.. I then watched him have to wake up in a black dark place he didn't know about, he was dripping in sweat and so scared, he struggled to get up, falling over and smashing into the walls. It's terrible to watch, he put his head and neck up ad was able to seem me , he neighed to me, wanted my re assurance. He spent another 4 weeks at the vets and another 5 of those horrific opperations, another 5 terrible wake ups from anethetic.. He wasnt able to walk much, only kept on a stable until one day he had to be put down, my baby's life had to be ended.
Its been the hardest thing of my life and I've been so alone the whole time, even though people are there not one of them cares they just pretend.
Everyone said it would get easier. I was promised so many things at never happened. A few weeks later my boyfriends grandfather passed away, this was hard on top of everything, my boyfriend broke up with me during this, needing a 'break'.
After losing so much ,him breaking up with me was the breaking point. Every night I would cry about losing my horse and then losing my bf as well was the hardest thing.
My bf and I are back together but it's not the same. I hurt everyday for my horse, cry everyday, the pain of never being able to see him it's the hardest thing, its not fair that things so little like this can destroy your life. It's been almost 3 months since he passed but feels like yesterday. I've had so many suicide thoughts practically daily .. Sometimes it just seems like the hole world is against you.

I know my story isn't much but I feel like I shouldn't be here anymore and needed to share it with someone. X

Many people won't understand the position your in currently, its not because they're cruel or they don't care about you, its simply because they aren't able to understand because they've never been in your position before. This doesn't mean they don't love you and don't care about you, they just want you back to your old self. It will be hard as losing someone close to you always is whether its a horse or a human. Whilst they perhaps should be more understanding, you have to understand that the people who care about you most don't know what its like to be in your position. You should try and take steps to improve your social life; go out with your family and friends more often - these are the people that will help you get through the ordeal you're currently going through, it will also take your mind off it. As for your relationship with your boyfriend, if you ask me their isn't any point in spending time with someone who doesn't appear to love you in the same way before - maybe some relationship counselling will help? If you do split up with him I would suggest trying to find some way of staying at a friends house for a while, to stop your self from feeling alone which understandably makes you upset. I hope this helps.

I understand your pain as I know it can be hard to lose a pet. I lost a dog several years ago. It was a difficult experience. Like anything, these things take time. It is a process whether it be a person or a fury friend. It will get easier.