Making his mind up

[magic-rising]

My husband has been severely depressed for over a year and left me almost 4 months ago saying he no longer loved me. About 6 weeks ago, he started on anti-depressants and counselling. Now it seems like he can't live with me, and can't live without me. Since he started his treament, I've noticed an increase in phonecalls rather than text messages and I was the only one he confided in when he was feeling suicidal, immediately prior to starting his treatment.

A couple of weeks ago, he stayed the night and we slept together. He metioned this to his counsellor who told him if he wants to end the relationship then he needs to stop having sex with me to cut the emotional ties. He was sticking to this until yesterday when I received a phone call from him saying he wanted to hang out with me as friends, have a few beers and eat some pizza. This was prompted by him feeling sorry for me after hearing about the bad fall out I had with my sister. The evening ended in him staying the night and us sleeping together. At first, I resisted his attempts to initiate sex and told him I can't give him my body without giving him my heart and soul at the same time. He then said he cares for me and that was the reason why he wanted to hang out with me. He also wishes for me to stay in his life. However, he also said he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me and can't imagine his opinion changing.

For the record, I still love him and we clearly still have sexual chemistry. We have also been able to get on really well since the split. To me, getting on well with someone who you are also attracted to makes the basis for a good relationship. However, I don't think falling back into a full blown relationship right now is a good idea. I think the only way I can salvage our relationship now is to take things very slowly and work on being friends rather than husband and wife. Perhaps then, we can maybe go back to being a couple at some point in the future.

Does this sound like he is slowly warming to me again and perhaps he still has love for me somewhere deep down, or is he struggling to come to terms with us splitting up? I hope people here can relate to this and perhaps share some insight. Right now, I'm very confused about what this all means but don't want to push him for answers either as I feel he needs time to recover fully from his depression, as well as time to work things out for himself.

[Destination]

Hello, I've read your post and thought I should reply.

There is a couple in the apartment complex I live in. They are married but working on going through a divorce. Both of them have spoken to me on separate occasions. They both seem to feel that they have been getting on better since they have separated.

I know a few women who have boyfriends but don't live with them and they say they are happier with that arrangement. Sometimes people have better relationships when they don't live together.

I know that it was common in wealthy circles for couples to live separately. Perhaps that was how they were able to stay married so long? When you don't have to live with a person on a day-to-day level you tend to be able to enjoy being around them more. You don't have to deal with all the bad habits they have or the things that often annoy a person.

Maybe that is what is happening with you and your husband?