Last Resort
Posted: Mon Jul 23, 2012 11:12 am
Hello everyone, I am new here so I thought I would introduce myself and tell you a little a bit about myself. So here it goes:
My name is Christina I’m 23 years old. I live with my roommate/ best friend. I’m a credit specialist (New Job. I still have no idea what it is I do all day) and a college student @ NSU. I like to Pena coldas (the drink and the song), reading, cooking/ burning down the kitchen, and lying on the beach. I have a boyfriend of 6 months. He’s navy and overseas right now. Although I miss him like crazy I’m glad he’s not here to see me like this.
I’ve been depressed most of my life but if you look at me you couldn’t tell. I lie and pretend that everything is ok. I don’t think I can pretend anymore.
My parents divorce when I was about 4 and it was an ugly divorce. My parents took a lot of their anger and hurt out on my younger brother and me. I love my parents but I just can’t fully forgive them for constantly telling me @ 7 how stupid, ugly, and weak I was. I knew that if I felt this bad my brother must have felt worst.
At 9 I was sexually assaulted by a neighbor. I never told anyone.
As you can imagine high school was hell. I was picked on a little but I always fought back. I thought about killing myself all the time and I’m not proud to say I tried. A handful of pills… my bottom. I told my mom it was an accident and she played along. I tried to talk to a teacher about what I was feeling but she just gave me a book and sent me on my way. I met my 1st boyfriend in 10th grade. I tried to open up to him but he would just take my insecurities and used them against me. The emotional abuse lasted for years. I hated myself so much for putting up with that jerk.
A few years after high school I realized I didn’t want to or have to feel this way. I went to the community college, a promotion, lost 50lb, got my own place and dumped my crappy ex. I was happy. No more nightmares or bad mornings. I loved myself and my life.
2009 I lost a friend then my young cousin died from neglate. That’s when the nightmares started again. I also got into a bad car wreck and had to drop out of school to pay for the two wrecked cars and my new one. Last year I lost my grandmother and everything just fell apart. I got overloaded at work and had to find a less stressful one. I gained all the weight back. The only good thing I have is my boyfriend. I couldn’t take going back to the depression and my best friend was going through a bit of her own depression. I thought we could support each other. Wrong. She asked me why I couldn’t just help her. She didn’t know how to help me. We haven’t spoken to each other in 3 weeks.
So that’s my story. I hoping someone have been thru some of this and can give me some advice or something. This is kind of a last resort for me so please…
My name is Christina I’m 23 years old. I live with my roommate/ best friend. I’m a credit specialist (New Job. I still have no idea what it is I do all day) and a college student @ NSU. I like to Pena coldas (the drink and the song), reading, cooking/ burning down the kitchen, and lying on the beach. I have a boyfriend of 6 months. He’s navy and overseas right now. Although I miss him like crazy I’m glad he’s not here to see me like this.
I’ve been depressed most of my life but if you look at me you couldn’t tell. I lie and pretend that everything is ok. I don’t think I can pretend anymore.
My parents divorce when I was about 4 and it was an ugly divorce. My parents took a lot of their anger and hurt out on my younger brother and me. I love my parents but I just can’t fully forgive them for constantly telling me @ 7 how stupid, ugly, and weak I was. I knew that if I felt this bad my brother must have felt worst.
At 9 I was sexually assaulted by a neighbor. I never told anyone.
As you can imagine high school was hell. I was picked on a little but I always fought back. I thought about killing myself all the time and I’m not proud to say I tried. A handful of pills… my bottom. I told my mom it was an accident and she played along. I tried to talk to a teacher about what I was feeling but she just gave me a book and sent me on my way. I met my 1st boyfriend in 10th grade. I tried to open up to him but he would just take my insecurities and used them against me. The emotional abuse lasted for years. I hated myself so much for putting up with that jerk.
A few years after high school I realized I didn’t want to or have to feel this way. I went to the community college, a promotion, lost 50lb, got my own place and dumped my crappy ex. I was happy. No more nightmares or bad mornings. I loved myself and my life.
2009 I lost a friend then my young cousin died from neglate. That’s when the nightmares started again. I also got into a bad car wreck and had to drop out of school to pay for the two wrecked cars and my new one. Last year I lost my grandmother and everything just fell apart. I got overloaded at work and had to find a less stressful one. I gained all the weight back. The only good thing I have is my boyfriend. I couldn’t take going back to the depression and my best friend was going through a bit of her own depression. I thought we could support each other. Wrong. She asked me why I couldn’t just help her. She didn’t know how to help me. We haven’t spoken to each other in 3 weeks.
So that’s my story. I hoping someone have been thru some of this and can give me some advice or something. This is kind of a last resort for me so please…